ºÝºÝߣ

ºÝºÝߣShare a Scribd company logo

The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane (Summary)

?
?
R
Russell Paskett

The document summarizes key aspects of charisma from the book "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane. It discusses three elements of charisma: presence, power, and warmth. Presence involves being fully engaged in the present moment. Power is the ability to influence others through appearance, body language, and others' reactions. Warmth creates goodwill towards others through helping rather than harming with one's power. The document provides tips for developing these charismatic qualities, including practicing active listening, speaking positively, using body language that conveys confidence but not intimidation, and focusing conversations on delivering value to others.

1 of 3
Download to read offline
The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane (Summary) The three elements of charisma are: 1. Presence 2. Power 3. Warmth Presence Presence is being aware of what¡¯s going on. When we are not present in the conversation or the environment, it shows and we are not charismatic. Here is how to acquire more presence: ? Learn presence with meditation. ? When your mind wanders, focus on your breath or toes to come back to the present. Power Power is the ability to affect the world around us, whether it is on influence or power over others. You recognize power based on: ? Appearance ? Other people¡¯s reaction to us ? Body language Warmth Warmth is the goodwill we have towards others. It says whether we want to use our power to help others or to harm them. Focus Charisma (Someone who listens intently and makes people feel respected and heard, such as Oprah.)
Charismatic First Impressions People like those who are similar to us. In speech, demeanor, appearance, etc. ? Wear clothes similar to those that you want to attract. ? Develop a good handshake (and avoid overpowering alpha-male handshakes.) Break the Ice ? Compliment something someone is wearing. ? Ask an open-ended question, i.e., ¡°What¡¯s the story behind that, where is it from, etc.¡± ? Ask open-ended questions that don¡¯t have a yes or no answer. ? Using lingo that relates to what they are interested in (same as Leil Lowndes recommends in How to Talk to Anyone.) Graceful Exits ? Don¡¯t linger until it¡¯s weird: leave on a high note. ? Offer them something when you leave. ? Don¡¯t worry about what you said, or what to say: An MIT study shows that how you make them feel matters more. ? If you need to save someone from a conversation, focus your warmth and charisma on the person who¡¯s going to lose and ask, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, but X is needed to do Y, would you mind if I take them?¡±. This gives them the impression they had a say in the matter and avoids hurting their feelings. Speaking and Listening With Charisma To Listen with Charisma ? Be present. ? Never interrupt. ? Process what others said for two seconds before speaking. To Speak with Charisma ? Speak about positive topics. ? Make people feel good when you speak to them. ? Find positive connotations. ? Take a compliment in full: don¡¯t negate and don¡¯t say ¡°it¡¯s nothing¡± or you make the person who complimented you feel they were wrong to compliment you. ? ¡°You can get more friends in two months by becoming truly interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.¡±- Dale Carnegie. ? Use metaphors and create images. ? But don¡¯t use images when discussing negative things.
Deliver High Value ? Speaking to someone means you demand time and attention. So you must deliver on it. ? Make what you¡¯re saying entertaining. ? Give interesting or helpful information. ? Find a way to arouse good feelings. Voice Power ? Speak lowly, and slowly. ? Pause frequently. ? Lower intonation at the end of sentences. ? Smile: it heavily affects how you sound and speak. ? Also read Vocal Power by Roger Love. Charismatic Body Language Mirror Body ? Mimic the motions of those you are speaking to: it creates a sense of trust. ? Be selective: if you copy all weird body language you will arouse suspicion (and some motions may be gender-specific). ? Use variations in amplitude. If they go big with a motion, maybe go small. ? Only do what¡¯s comfortable. ? Don¡¯t mirror someone who is angry: break them from their angry pose by handing them something, and then move into a non-angry one. Be the Big Gorilla ? Envision a big gorilla and move like it. ? Don¡¯t be concerned with mild collisions when you walk with confidence. Regal Posture ? Imagine James Bond: doesn¡¯t fidget, doesn¡¯t look to earn approval. ? Don¡¯t reassure or please people you speak to, assume that you are already bringing enough and that they have to bring the rest. Don¡¯t Overdo It ? Now that you are conveying power be careful not to overdo it, as you might intimidate some people. ? Keep soft eyes. ? Tilt your head down just a bit; this seems respectful and makes you seem more knowledgeable.

More Related Content

The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane (Summary)

  • 1. The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane (Summary) The three elements of charisma are: 1. Presence 2. Power 3. Warmth Presence Presence is being aware of what¡¯s going on. When we are not present in the conversation or the environment, it shows and we are not charismatic. Here is how to acquire more presence: ? Learn presence with meditation. ? When your mind wanders, focus on your breath or toes to come back to the present. Power Power is the ability to affect the world around us, whether it is on influence or power over others. You recognize power based on: ? Appearance ? Other people¡¯s reaction to us ? Body language Warmth Warmth is the goodwill we have towards others. It says whether we want to use our power to help others or to harm them. Focus Charisma (Someone who listens intently and makes people feel respected and heard, such as Oprah.)
  • 2. Charismatic First Impressions People like those who are similar to us. In speech, demeanor, appearance, etc. ? Wear clothes similar to those that you want to attract. ? Develop a good handshake (and avoid overpowering alpha-male handshakes.) Break the Ice ? Compliment something someone is wearing. ? Ask an open-ended question, i.e., ¡°What¡¯s the story behind that, where is it from, etc.¡± ? Ask open-ended questions that don¡¯t have a yes or no answer. ? Using lingo that relates to what they are interested in (same as Leil Lowndes recommends in How to Talk to Anyone.) Graceful Exits ? Don¡¯t linger until it¡¯s weird: leave on a high note. ? Offer them something when you leave. ? Don¡¯t worry about what you said, or what to say: An MIT study shows that how you make them feel matters more. ? If you need to save someone from a conversation, focus your warmth and charisma on the person who¡¯s going to lose and ask, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, but X is needed to do Y, would you mind if I take them?¡±. This gives them the impression they had a say in the matter and avoids hurting their feelings. Speaking and Listening With Charisma To Listen with Charisma ? Be present. ? Never interrupt. ? Process what others said for two seconds before speaking. To Speak with Charisma ? Speak about positive topics. ? Make people feel good when you speak to them. ? Find positive connotations. ? Take a compliment in full: don¡¯t negate and don¡¯t say ¡°it¡¯s nothing¡± or you make the person who complimented you feel they were wrong to compliment you. ? ¡°You can get more friends in two months by becoming truly interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.¡±- Dale Carnegie. ? Use metaphors and create images. ? But don¡¯t use images when discussing negative things.
  • 3. Deliver High Value ? Speaking to someone means you demand time and attention. So you must deliver on it. ? Make what you¡¯re saying entertaining. ? Give interesting or helpful information. ? Find a way to arouse good feelings. Voice Power ? Speak lowly, and slowly. ? Pause frequently. ? Lower intonation at the end of sentences. ? Smile: it heavily affects how you sound and speak. ? Also read Vocal Power by Roger Love. Charismatic Body Language Mirror Body ? Mimic the motions of those you are speaking to: it creates a sense of trust. ? Be selective: if you copy all weird body language you will arouse suspicion (and some motions may be gender-specific). ? Use variations in amplitude. If they go big with a motion, maybe go small. ? Only do what¡¯s comfortable. ? Don¡¯t mirror someone who is angry: break them from their angry pose by handing them something, and then move into a non-angry one. Be the Big Gorilla ? Envision a big gorilla and move like it. ? Don¡¯t be concerned with mild collisions when you walk with confidence. Regal Posture ? Imagine James Bond: doesn¡¯t fidget, doesn¡¯t look to earn approval. ? Don¡¯t reassure or please people you speak to, assume that you are already bringing enough and that they have to bring the rest. Don¡¯t Overdo It ? Now that you are conveying power be careful not to overdo it, as you might intimidate some people. ? Keep soft eyes. ? Tilt your head down just a bit; this seems respectful and makes you seem more knowledgeable.