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Salt Lake City, Utah

2nd Lieutenant

I am a daring individual, often seen scaling walls, shooting fire, and riding Yoshis. I have been known to remodel apartments on my lunch-break, without being asked, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for African refugees and Mormon Missionaries.. I write award-winning haikus, and manage my time 90% effectively. Occasionally I tread water for 4 days in a row, and still don’t have prune fingers. I woo women with me sensuous and god-like saxophone playing. I cook 30 min. brownies in only 20 min. I am an expert in ceramics, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Russia. Using only a garden hoe and a large glass of water, I o