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Tacoma, Washington

I'm probably the coolest motherfucker you'll ever meet. Ever. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. I play in a band. We're the best in the land. We're big in both Chelsea and France. I play one mean guitar and then score at the bar, there's a line of chicks waiting for their chance. I can bench press a car, I'm an ex football star with degrees from both Harvard and Yale. Girls just can't keep up, I'm a real love machine, I've had far better sex while in jail. I've designed the Sears Tower, I make two grand an hour. I cook the world's best duck flambe. I'll take the pick of the litter, girls jockey for me. I don't need these lines to get laid.