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I think this box likes annoying me...

In a secret underground MIT laboratory, scientists conjoured a primordial ooze and then mixed it with a super computer, and I was born. Using my partially cybernetic brain, I troll the interwebs, saving the cyberworld from ruin on a daily basis. But I wanted freedom from the oppressive MIT overlords, so I busted out. There I used the secret chain of rebel computer nerds to make my way around the nation, solving minor tech issues for food money. Finally, I finished my greatest creation, a giant space laser that could be used to cure cancer. The government found out about it, and gave me a new identity in return for the technology. I agreed, but afraid 

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