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Davis, California

Senior Software Engineer

I hate corporate greed but I love bananas. It was the coldest winter on record. My mother had been in labour for 17 days. Finally, she went back to work and I slipped out unexpectedly onto a conveyer belt at the pretzel factory. They docked her pay. She never forgave me for that. At the age of three I was sent out to earn my keep as a kitchen hand for a Russian Deli downtown. I discovered a new kind of Bratwurst and gained a certain notoriety amongst elite culinary circles. At seven my family fell on hard times and I was sent to a retirement village where I would pay my way by bathing old people and listening to their stories about the Great Depression. My father said it would be characte