Here I explore a tool written with node.js to access blockchain analytics via SMS. Text in a wallet address and get back the current amount in that address - all without an internet connection. The Bitcoin Blockchain is an impressive model that can stabilize third world economies, but requiring the internet is a large barrier to entry. In developing countries especially, SMS availability far surpasses access to the web, so why haven't Bitcoin developers targeted this audience better? Talk given at South Bay JavaScript meetup on August 11th, 2015. Original event link: http://www.meetup.com/southbayjs/events/224239472/