際際滷

際際滷Share a Scribd company logo

Get Out Of Your Own Way at Work

Download as PPT, PDF
D
drmarkg

The document discusses how people can get in their own way of success through self-defeating behaviors (SDBs) like procrastination and defensiveness. It explains that SDBs develop from feeling coddled, criticized, or neglected as children when facing challenges. However, with support one can overcome SDBs. The document provides an 8-step process for helping others overcome their SDBs which involves choosing SDBs to focus on, getting buy-in, following up, and celebrating success. It emphasizes that changing behaviors takes time but can lead to a new successful personality.

1 of 42
Get Out of Your Own Way at Work and Help Others Do the Same with Dr. Mark Goulston 息2005 Mark Goulston
Warren Buffetts Key to Success Everybody here has the ability to do anything I do and much beyond. Some of you will and some of you wont. For those who wont, it will be because you GET IN YOUR OWN WAY not because the world doesnt allow you. - Warren Buffett Speaking at the University of Washington
How do you get in your own way? By engaging in actions that derail you from achieving your goals Those actions are Self-Defeating Behaviors (SDB)
Take the thats me or someone I work with quiz (a.k.a. 7 Habits of Highly Ineffective People) Thats Me Yes Procrastinating ______ Getting Defensive ______ Wasting Time ______ Quitting too soon ______ Being unprepared ______ Not listening ______ Not learning from mistakes ______ Zero ___________ 1-3 ____________ 4 or more ___________ % attendees (in each category): Zero ___________ 1-3 ____________ 4 or more ___________
Take the Thats me or someone I work with quiz (okay, you get to be a blamer, but just for a moment) Thats someone I work with Yes Procrastinating ______ Getting Defensive ______ Wasting Time ______ Quitting too soon ______ Being unprepared ______ Not listening ______ Not learning from mistakes ______ Zero ___________ 1-3 ____________ 4 or more ___________ % attendees (in each category): Zero ___________ 1-3 ____________ 4 or more ___________
Take the If I and someone I work with stopped and overcame our SDBs big payoff quiz If I and someone I work with stopped and overcame our SDBs: Productivity would increase: Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________ % attendees (in each category): Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________ Job satisfaction would increase: Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________ % attendees (in each category): Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________ ______ Self-esteem would increase: Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________ % attendees (in each category): Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________
What do Bob Eckert, CEO of Mattel Leonard Kleinrock, creator of the Internet Jim Sinegal, CEO of Costco Have in common?
They each achieved enormous success because They learned how to get out of their own way: Bob Eckert learned to NOT panic
What Bob Eckert learned USABLE INSIGHT: When you focus on what needs to be done today and then just do it, you stop being afraid of what might happen tomorrow.
They each achieved enormous success because They learned how to get out of their own way: Leonard Kleinrock learned to NOT set his expectations too low
What Leonard Kleinrock learned USABLE INSIGHT: Set your expectations high early in your career or job. If you reach them, youll become more confident; if you dont, youll become stronger.
They each achieved enormous success because They learned how to get out of their own way: Jim Sinegal learned to listen instead of rebel =
What Jim Sinegal learned USABLE INSIGHT: Dont confuse someone trying to help you with someone trying to control you.
Why do you engage in SDBs? Its a distress reliever Do you know the difference between stress and distress? - Stress challenges you - Distress overwhelms you
SDBs relieve Distress You reach for relief But you let go of your goals
SDB is more damaging than you could imagine Competitors without SDBs pass you by Promotions and pay raises pass you by Team members get angry at you You get angry at you
How do you develop SDB? All through life you step into the unknown When it goes well you feel powerful and invincible
Where Self-Defeating Behavior Starts 2 steps forward, 1 step back Birth First Breath Awake Sleep Through Night Crawling First Step Stay at Home First Day of Pre-School Elementary School Middle School Middle School High School High School College College Career
Where Self-Defeating Behavior Starts When you fall, you feel helpless and you look back to your support system Development psychologists call it rapprochement (French for looking back and connecting)
What do you see when you look back? Coddling Youre bailed out. Criticism Youre belittled . Neglect Youre ignored .
How Self-Defeating Behavior Develops Coddling Parent CODDLED tantrums (Do it for me) Spoiled Compulsions Y O U R A D U L T L I F E LOST
How Self-Defeating Behavior Develops Critical Parent CRITICISED hurt/anger (Ill show you) Hostile Blaming Y O U R A D U L T L I F E BITTER
How Self-Defeating Behavior Develops Neglectful Parent NEGLECTED fear (Itll never work) Defeatist Avoidance Y O U R A D U L T L I F E EMPTY
What would your life turn out to be if you internalized your parents Coddling , Critical or Neglectful response to you into your personality? W A S T E D
But what if you looked back and Instead of being Coddled , Criticized or Neglected You received S U P P O R T
How Successful Behavior Develops Supportive Parent SUPPORTED confidence (I can do it) Motivated Determination Y O U R A D U L T L I F E SATISFIED
And if you felt satisfied Instead of your life being WASTED It would be FULFILLED
Its never too late to stop and overcome SDB R e a d y A i m O v e r c o m e
Next time you mess up Take out an index card and write down: If I had this to do over again, instead of what I did, I would have done ______. If I had done ________, it would have prevented these negative consequences because ___________. The best way to catch myself before I engage in this SDB and then try this alternate behavior would be to ______________.
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 1: Pick out people you want to help
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 2: Tell them youre trying to change.
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 3: Pick 1- 2 SDBs to overcome
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 4: Get buy in
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 5: Make new behavior something you can both see
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 6: Follow up
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 7: Invite them to overcome their SDBs
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 8: Select additional SDBs to overcome
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 9: Celebrate success
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 10: Spread the word
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 1: Pick out people you want to help Step 2: Tell them youre trying to change Step 3: Pick 1-2 SDBs to overcome Step 4: Get buy in Step 5: Make new behavior something you can both see Step 6: Follow up Step 7: Invite them to overcome their SDBs Step 8: Select additional SDBs to overcome Step 9: Celebrate success Step 10: Spread the word
And PERSEVERE because It takes a month for a change in behavior to become a habit and a minimum of 6 months for that habit to become part of your personalityYOUR new successful personality.
How would you like follow-up from Mark? Yes, I would like an executive summary of todays presentation Please add me to the Usable Insight of the week Both of the above Id like Mark to speak with my group; please send info All of the above

More Related Content

Get Out Of Your Own Way at Work

  • 1. Get Out of Your Own Way at Work and Help Others Do the Same with Dr. Mark Goulston 息2005 Mark Goulston
  • 2. Warren Buffetts Key to Success Everybody here has the ability to do anything I do and much beyond. Some of you will and some of you wont. For those who wont, it will be because you GET IN YOUR OWN WAY not because the world doesnt allow you. - Warren Buffett Speaking at the University of Washington
  • 3. How do you get in your own way? By engaging in actions that derail you from achieving your goals Those actions are Self-Defeating Behaviors (SDB)
  • 4. Take the thats me or someone I work with quiz (a.k.a. 7 Habits of Highly Ineffective People) Thats Me Yes Procrastinating ______ Getting Defensive ______ Wasting Time ______ Quitting too soon ______ Being unprepared ______ Not listening ______ Not learning from mistakes ______ Zero ___________ 1-3 ____________ 4 or more ___________ % attendees (in each category): Zero ___________ 1-3 ____________ 4 or more ___________
  • 5. Take the Thats me or someone I work with quiz (okay, you get to be a blamer, but just for a moment) Thats someone I work with Yes Procrastinating ______ Getting Defensive ______ Wasting Time ______ Quitting too soon ______ Being unprepared ______ Not listening ______ Not learning from mistakes ______ Zero ___________ 1-3 ____________ 4 or more ___________ % attendees (in each category): Zero ___________ 1-3 ____________ 4 or more ___________
  • 6. Take the If I and someone I work with stopped and overcame our SDBs big payoff quiz If I and someone I work with stopped and overcame our SDBs: Productivity would increase: Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________ % attendees (in each category): Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________ Job satisfaction would increase: Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________ % attendees (in each category): Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________ ______ Self-esteem would increase: Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________ % attendees (in each category): Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________
  • 7. What do Bob Eckert, CEO of Mattel Leonard Kleinrock, creator of the Internet Jim Sinegal, CEO of Costco Have in common?
  • 8. They each achieved enormous success because They learned how to get out of their own way: Bob Eckert learned to NOT panic
  • 9. What Bob Eckert learned USABLE INSIGHT: When you focus on what needs to be done today and then just do it, you stop being afraid of what might happen tomorrow.
  • 10. They each achieved enormous success because They learned how to get out of their own way: Leonard Kleinrock learned to NOT set his expectations too low
  • 11. What Leonard Kleinrock learned USABLE INSIGHT: Set your expectations high early in your career or job. If you reach them, youll become more confident; if you dont, youll become stronger.
  • 12. They each achieved enormous success because They learned how to get out of their own way: Jim Sinegal learned to listen instead of rebel =
  • 13. What Jim Sinegal learned USABLE INSIGHT: Dont confuse someone trying to help you with someone trying to control you.
  • 14. Why do you engage in SDBs? Its a distress reliever Do you know the difference between stress and distress? - Stress challenges you - Distress overwhelms you
  • 15. SDBs relieve Distress You reach for relief But you let go of your goals
  • 16. SDB is more damaging than you could imagine Competitors without SDBs pass you by Promotions and pay raises pass you by Team members get angry at you You get angry at you
  • 17. How do you develop SDB? All through life you step into the unknown When it goes well you feel powerful and invincible
  • 18. Where Self-Defeating Behavior Starts 2 steps forward, 1 step back Birth First Breath Awake Sleep Through Night Crawling First Step Stay at Home First Day of Pre-School Elementary School Middle School Middle School High School High School College College Career
  • 19. Where Self-Defeating Behavior Starts When you fall, you feel helpless and you look back to your support system Development psychologists call it rapprochement (French for looking back and connecting)
  • 20. What do you see when you look back? Coddling Youre bailed out. Criticism Youre belittled . Neglect Youre ignored .
  • 21. How Self-Defeating Behavior Develops Coddling Parent CODDLED tantrums (Do it for me) Spoiled Compulsions Y O U R A D U L T L I F E LOST
  • 22. How Self-Defeating Behavior Develops Critical Parent CRITICISED hurt/anger (Ill show you) Hostile Blaming Y O U R A D U L T L I F E BITTER
  • 23. How Self-Defeating Behavior Develops Neglectful Parent NEGLECTED fear (Itll never work) Defeatist Avoidance Y O U R A D U L T L I F E EMPTY
  • 24. What would your life turn out to be if you internalized your parents Coddling , Critical or Neglectful response to you into your personality? W A S T E D
  • 25. But what if you looked back and Instead of being Coddled , Criticized or Neglected You received S U P P O R T
  • 26. How Successful Behavior Develops Supportive Parent SUPPORTED confidence (I can do it) Motivated Determination Y O U R A D U L T L I F E SATISFIED
  • 27. And if you felt satisfied Instead of your life being WASTED It would be FULFILLED
  • 28. Its never too late to stop and overcome SDB R e a d y A i m O v e r c o m e
  • 29. Next time you mess up Take out an index card and write down: If I had this to do over again, instead of what I did, I would have done ______. If I had done ________, it would have prevented these negative consequences because ___________. The best way to catch myself before I engage in this SDB and then try this alternate behavior would be to ______________.
  • 30. Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 1: Pick out people you want to help
  • 31. Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 2: Tell them youre trying to change.
  • 32. Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 3: Pick 1- 2 SDBs to overcome
  • 33. Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 4: Get buy in
  • 34. Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 5: Make new behavior something you can both see
  • 35. Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 6: Follow up
  • 36. Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 7: Invite them to overcome their SDBs
  • 37. Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 8: Select additional SDBs to overcome
  • 38. Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 9: Celebrate success
  • 39. Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 10: Spread the word
  • 40. Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way Step 1: Pick out people you want to help Step 2: Tell them youre trying to change Step 3: Pick 1-2 SDBs to overcome Step 4: Get buy in Step 5: Make new behavior something you can both see Step 6: Follow up Step 7: Invite them to overcome their SDBs Step 8: Select additional SDBs to overcome Step 9: Celebrate success Step 10: Spread the word
  • 41. And PERSEVERE because It takes a month for a change in behavior to become a habit and a minimum of 6 months for that habit to become part of your personalityYOUR new successful personality.
  • 42. How would you like follow-up from Mark? Yes, I would like an executive summary of todays presentation Please add me to the Usable Insight of the week Both of the above Id like Mark to speak with my group; please send info All of the above