I was born on a pirate ship off the coast of Peru, where I was given a traditional Aztec upbringing during which I excelled at the arts and sciences. At age seven my parents murdered each other in a freak fencing accident, and I left my tribe for Australia, where I trained under the legendary Vin Diesel. At age 18 after a failed Fear Factor Audition I set out for a berry plantation about 15km north of Horsham. I currently reside in Melbourne where I lace street drugs with powerful toxins and redistribute them to school children and pregnant celebrities.
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