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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day - but I couldn't find any.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.
A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's really heavy'
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