I have been called intriguing, captivating, awe-inspiring, and seductive. 60 minutes tried to do a documentary on me but they realized 60 minutes wasn鈥檛 enough. I have seen firsthand the top of Mount Everest despite never having climbed it. I wrote my masters thesis using only one source, my VCR manual. I have the bushes baked beans secret family recipe. My inconsistencies are always consistent. My imagination never runs wild I always have it under control. I invented the Sham-wow. Whenever I feel like tanning the sun will come out no matter what the weather is. I bitch, I moan, I complain, and I gripe, but I鈥檓 always told I radiate positivity. The local pizza place will call me asking i
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