Raised by crazed "circus folk" in northern Pennsylvania, I found work on an Austrian-flagged tramp steamer, eventually circumnavigating the globe more than a dozen times, in search of the finest hammered aluminum, pottery, and steam-powered frigates. Today, I'm enjoying a life of leisure, financed through my inheritance of the patent on the original pattern for chintz. I have too many children to count, a fleet of used UPS trucks, converted to Geriatric Party Wagons, and almost a dozen ways to spell my name. What's not to like?
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