I BRING YOU GO SEE BIG BIRD.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press
1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to
press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,
4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you
are and what you want. Just stay on the line while
we trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little
voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
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