I couldnt live with myself any longer. And in this a question arose without an answer: who is the I that cannot live with the self? What is the self? I felt drawn into a void. I didnt know at the time that what really happened was the mind-made self, with its heaviness, its problems, that lives between the unsatisfying past and the fearful future, collapsed. It dissolved. The next morning I woke up and everything was so peaceful. The peace was there because there was no self. Just a sense of presence or beingness, just observing and watching.