"When I came out into society I was 15. I already knew that the role I was condemned to...namely to keep quiet and do what I was told... gave me the perfect opportunity to listen and observe. Not to what people told me, which naturally was of no interest but to whatever it was they were trying to hide. I practised detachment. I learnt how to look cheerful while under the table I stuck a fork into the back of my hand. I became a virtuoso of deceit. It wasn't pleasure I was after, it was knowledge. I consulted the strictest moralist to learn how to appear. Philosophers, to find out what to think. And novelists, to see what I could get away with. And in the end I distilled everything to one won
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