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Breaking the Spirit of Offense

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Terry Dorsett
Terry Dorsett

We live in a world filled with "offended" people. This poisons relationships and paralyzes us emotionally and spiritually. What is the key to breaking this spirit of offense?

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Introduction: Ever met a person who seemed to be mad at the world? No matter how hard others tried, no one could make them happy. Such people are easily offended and hard to be friends with. It is even harder when the person is related to us because we all want to love our family and such people are hard to love. Do we know such a person? Have we been such a person? The Bible tells a story of just such a man.
1 Samuel 25:2 - A man in Maon had a business in Carmel; he was a very rich man with 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats and was shearing his sheep in Carmel. Mount Carmel is located near the Mediterranean coast of Israel, overlooking the city of Haifa, and is quite beautiful to see. The word Carmel can be translated as vineyard, orchard or park. The region lives up to that name and is filled with fertile fields and has one of the best views in Isreal.
A picture from Mount Carmel that Kay took on our trip to Israel
Verse 2 - A man in Maon had a business in Carmel; he was a very rich man with 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats and was shearing his sheep in Carmel. There was a wealthy businessman in the area. Notice that his wealth was counted in the number of sheep and goats that he had. Though we all count wealth in different ways, totaling up ones assets is a common way, though perhaps not the best way.
Verse 2 - A man in Maon had a business in Carmel; he was a very rich man with 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats and was shearing his sheep in Carmel. Each year this man would shear the sheep and sell the wool. It was a time for great celebration and it was common in that time period to throw an elaborate party to celebrate ones good fortune for the year.
Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. The wealthy businessmans name was Nabal. The word Nabal means foolish or wicked. This particular man surely lived up to his name because he is described as being harsh and evil. Imagine what would turn a happy child into a harsh man.
Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. Though we cannot know for sure why Nabal was harsh and evil, we can assume that something happened in his life to make him that way. Though we may not know exactly why he was so mean, we do know of many things that should have made him happy.
Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. He was not just rich, he was VERY rich. That should have made him happy. But it did not. He was married to a woman who was both intelligent and beautiful. That should have made him happy. But it did not.
Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. He lived in a lovely part of Israel with amazing views and fertile soil. That should have made him happy. But it did not. He had enjoyed the protection of David and his followers, even though he had not had to pay for that protection. That should have made him happy. But it did not.
Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. He was one of Gods chosen people, especially blessed by the Father in many ways. This should have made him happy. But it did not. He was even from a prestigious family, the line of Caleb. Caleb was one of the 12 scouts that Moses had sent into the land of Canaan when the Israelites escaped from generations of slavery in Egypt.
Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. Caleb was well known among the Israelites as a faithful follower of the Lord. Caleb was given Mount Hebron as a reward for His commitment to the Lord and the nation.
Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. Though historical records are sparse, it appears that as time went by the Calebites were pushed from their mountain and lost some of their previous prestige and honor. Calebs family did not deserve such treatment. Perhaps that is what made Nabal so mean.
Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. We will never know what, but something had happened that had deeply offended Nabal. Whatever it was, instead of facing the pain, learning the art of forgiveness and moving on with life, Nabal internalized the offense and developed the spirit of offense.
Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. Once Nabal had a spirit of offense, then EVERYTHING in his life offended him. Though he had a great family heritage, a lot of money, an amazing wife, free protection from robbers and a great spiritual foundation, Nabal remained focused on whatever had offended him.
Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. That focus on the offense of the past poisoned Nabals entire life and all his relationships. It robbed him of the joy and happiness that he should have felt in what was obviously a blessed life.
Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. Some may argue that it was his life and he had the right to be miserable if he wanted to be. But Nabals behavior was impacting a lot of people around him in very negative ways. They did not deserve to be treated this way.
Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. Though we may like to think of ourselves as an island unto ourselves, that is just not true. We have family, friends, neighbors and co- workers that our actions impact and they do not deserve to bear the brunt of our bitterness.
Verses 4-6 - David . . . heard that Nabal was shearing sheepso David sent 10 young men instructing them, Go up to Carmel, and when you come to Nabal, greet him in my name. 6Then say this: Long life to you, and peace to you, to your family, and to all that is yours.
David was living in the wilderness at the time, hiding from King Saul who was trying to kill him unjustly. David needed supplies and thought maybe Nabal would give him some since he had protected Nabals sheep. David sent young men, who would not have been as intimidating as seasoned warriors, and instructed them to offer a peaceful greeting that was common for the time period.
Verse 10 - Nabal asked them, Who is David? Who is Jesses son? Many slaves these days are running away from their masters. Instead of repaying Davids kindness with generosity, Nabal insulted David, his family, and his men. Nabal said they were of no importance to him and that they were no better than slaves.
Verses 12-13 - Davids men retraced their steps. When they returned to him, they reported all these words. David said to his men, All of you, put on your swords! So David and all his men put on their swords. Though David was a good man, when he heard how harsh Nabal was to his men, David lost his temper. He told his men to get their swords and David planned to find Nabal and kill him.
Verses 12-13 - Davids men retraced their steps. When they returned to him, they reported all these words. David said to his men, All of you, put on your swords! So David and all his men put on their swords. Though it was wrong for David to react this way, we can understand his frustration. David had spent months being nice to a man he barely knew and the only thing he got in return was insults.
Verses 12-13 - Davids men retraced their steps. When they returned to him, they reported all these words. David said to his men, All of you, put on your swords! So David and all his men put on their swords. People with a spirit of offense can get even nice people stirred up. As a result, sometimes even nice people hurt them, which only compounds their offended spirit.
Verses 14, 18 - One of Nabals young men informed Abigail, Nabals wife . . . Abigail hurried, taking [a lot of food and supplies], and loaded them on donkeys. One of Nabals workers realized that David was angry enough to kill Nabal, so he told Abigail. Notice he did not bother to tell Nabal. Abigail quickly gathered up some food and headed out to stop David. Since she did it quickly, it probably was not the first time she had to do something like this.
Verses 14, 18 - One of Nabals young men informed Abigail, Nabals wife . . . Abigail hurried, taking [a lot of food and supplies], and loaded them on donkeys. Friends and family members of people who have a spirit of offense often have to run interference for them and get them out of trouble. People with the spirit of offense seldom realize or appreciate what family and friends do behind the scenes to keep the peace.
Verses 32, 34 - Then David said to Abigail, Praise to the LORD God of Israel, who sent you to meet me today! Otherwise, . . . if you had not come quickly to meet me, Nabal wouldnt have had any men left alive by morning light. David realized that two wrongs do not make a right and he decides not to go fight Nabal. David was thankful that Abigail came and stopped him from doing something he would have regretted later.
Verses 32, 34 - Then David said to Abigail, Praise to the LORD God of Israel, who sent you to meet me today! Otherwise, . . . if you had not come quickly to meet me, Nabal wouldnt have had any men left alive by morning light. What is interesting in Davids reaction is that he could have developed a spirit of offense as well. Remember, Davids life had not exactly been perfect either.
Verses 32, 34 - Then David said to Abigail, Praise to the LORD God of Israel, who sent you to meet me today! Otherwise, . . . if you had not come quickly to meet me, Nabal wouldnt have had any men left alive by morning light. Davids older brothers often made fun of him when he was a kid. King Saul was jealous of David and sought to kill him unjustly.
Verses 32, 34 - Then David said to Abigail, Praise to the LORD God of Israel, who sent you to meet me today! Otherwise, . . . if you had not come quickly to meet me, Nabal wouldnt have had any men left alive by morning light. David was living in the wilderness protecting other peoples sheep and not getting paid for it. If anyone had a right to be offended, it was David.
Verses 32, 34 - Then David said to Abigail, Praise to the LORD God of Israel, who sent you to meet me today! Otherwise, . . . if you had not come quickly to meet me, Nabal wouldnt have had any men left alive by morning light. David refused to allow a spirit of offense to take root in his heart. He had learned how to forgive. Like David, we have all been hurt at some point in our lives. We ALL have stuff we could be angry about. What differs is HOW we handle our hurt.
Verse 37 - In the morning when Nabal sobered up, his wife told him about these events. Then he had a seizure and became paralyzed. The next day when Abigail told Nabal about the disaster that his mean spirit had almost caused, it bothered Nabal so much that he had a seizure. It is unlikely that he was sorry for his actions. It is more likely that he was sorry about what could have been the consequences of those actions. The seizure paralyzed him and ten days later he died. An offended spirit often leads to early death.
Verse 37 - In the morning when Nabal sobered up, his wife told him about these events. Then he had a seizure and became paralyzed. When we allow a spirit of offense to take root in us, it will grow like a cancer until it chokes the life out of us. It will choke us emotionally, spiritually, relationally, and even physically, such as in Nabals story. An offense is not worth holding on to!!!! But learning to forgive when the person does not deserve it is REALLY hard.
I read a blog by a lady who was angry at her ex-husband for abusing her and her children. She said she knew she should forgive but just could not. She said this: It's been a bad few weeks and my emotional state has landed me on probation at work and they cut my hours. I am going see if I can get on disability for the depression that has reared its ugly head again. My life is still a shambles even 5 years after my divorce.
Dr. Raymond Lloyd Richmond is a psychologist from San Francisco who maintains a website on the psychology of forgiveness. He says: ANYONE who has ever been victimizedand that includes survivors of crime, accidents, childhood abuse, political imprisonment, warfare, and so onmust decide whether or not to forgive the perpetrator. There can be no middle ground to this decision: either you decide to forgive the person who hurt you, or you hold on to bitterness and anger.
Conclusion: 1.Many of us have been deeply offended by something in our past. That offense was real and should not be taken lightly. 2.But at some point we must learn to forgive and move beyond the offense. 3.Otherwise, a spirit of offense will take root in our lives and it will eventually poison every aspect of our lives. 4.We must get learn to forgive and release the spirit of offense in order to have a blessed life.

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Breaking the Spirit of Offense

  • 1. Introduction: Ever met a person who seemed to be mad at the world? No matter how hard others tried, no one could make them happy. Such people are easily offended and hard to be friends with. It is even harder when the person is related to us because we all want to love our family and such people are hard to love. Do we know such a person? Have we been such a person? The Bible tells a story of just such a man.
  • 2. 1 Samuel 25:2 - A man in Maon had a business in Carmel; he was a very rich man with 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats and was shearing his sheep in Carmel. Mount Carmel is located near the Mediterranean coast of Israel, overlooking the city of Haifa, and is quite beautiful to see. The word Carmel can be translated as vineyard, orchard or park. The region lives up to that name and is filled with fertile fields and has one of the best views in Isreal.
  • 3. A picture from Mount Carmel that Kay took on our trip to Israel
  • 4. Verse 2 - A man in Maon had a business in Carmel; he was a very rich man with 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats and was shearing his sheep in Carmel. There was a wealthy businessman in the area. Notice that his wealth was counted in the number of sheep and goats that he had. Though we all count wealth in different ways, totaling up ones assets is a common way, though perhaps not the best way.
  • 5. Verse 2 - A man in Maon had a business in Carmel; he was a very rich man with 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats and was shearing his sheep in Carmel. Each year this man would shear the sheep and sell the wool. It was a time for great celebration and it was common in that time period to throw an elaborate party to celebrate ones good fortune for the year.
  • 6. Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. The wealthy businessmans name was Nabal. The word Nabal means foolish or wicked. This particular man surely lived up to his name because he is described as being harsh and evil. Imagine what would turn a happy child into a harsh man.
  • 7. Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. Though we cannot know for sure why Nabal was harsh and evil, we can assume that something happened in his life to make him that way. Though we may not know exactly why he was so mean, we do know of many things that should have made him happy.
  • 8. Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. He was not just rich, he was VERY rich. That should have made him happy. But it did not. He was married to a woman who was both intelligent and beautiful. That should have made him happy. But it did not.
  • 9. Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. He lived in a lovely part of Israel with amazing views and fertile soil. That should have made him happy. But it did not. He had enjoyed the protection of David and his followers, even though he had not had to pay for that protection. That should have made him happy. But it did not.
  • 10. Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. He was one of Gods chosen people, especially blessed by the Father in many ways. This should have made him happy. But it did not. He was even from a prestigious family, the line of Caleb. Caleb was one of the 12 scouts that Moses had sent into the land of Canaan when the Israelites escaped from generations of slavery in Egypt.
  • 11. Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. Caleb was well known among the Israelites as a faithful follower of the Lord. Caleb was given Mount Hebron as a reward for His commitment to the Lord and the nation.
  • 12. Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. Though historical records are sparse, it appears that as time went by the Calebites were pushed from their mountain and lost some of their previous prestige and honor. Calebs family did not deserve such treatment. Perhaps that is what made Nabal so mean.
  • 13. Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. We will never know what, but something had happened that had deeply offended Nabal. Whatever it was, instead of facing the pain, learning the art of forgiveness and moving on with life, Nabal internalized the offense and developed the spirit of offense.
  • 14. Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. Once Nabal had a spirit of offense, then EVERYTHING in his life offended him. Though he had a great family heritage, a lot of money, an amazing wife, free protection from robbers and a great spiritual foundation, Nabal remained focused on whatever had offended him.
  • 15. Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. That focus on the offense of the past poisoned Nabals entire life and all his relationships. It robbed him of the joy and happiness that he should have felt in what was obviously a blessed life.
  • 16. Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. Some may argue that it was his life and he had the right to be miserable if he wanted to be. But Nabals behavior was impacting a lot of people around him in very negative ways. They did not deserve to be treated this way.
  • 17. Verse 3 - The mans name was Nabal, and his wifes name, Abigail. The woman was intelligent and beautiful, but the man, a Calebite, was harsh and evil in his dealings. Though we may like to think of ourselves as an island unto ourselves, that is just not true. We have family, friends, neighbors and co- workers that our actions impact and they do not deserve to bear the brunt of our bitterness.
  • 18. Verses 4-6 - David . . . heard that Nabal was shearing sheepso David sent 10 young men instructing them, Go up to Carmel, and when you come to Nabal, greet him in my name. 6Then say this: Long life to you, and peace to you, to your family, and to all that is yours.
  • 19. David was living in the wilderness at the time, hiding from King Saul who was trying to kill him unjustly. David needed supplies and thought maybe Nabal would give him some since he had protected Nabals sheep. David sent young men, who would not have been as intimidating as seasoned warriors, and instructed them to offer a peaceful greeting that was common for the time period.
  • 20. Verse 10 - Nabal asked them, Who is David? Who is Jesses son? Many slaves these days are running away from their masters. Instead of repaying Davids kindness with generosity, Nabal insulted David, his family, and his men. Nabal said they were of no importance to him and that they were no better than slaves.
  • 21. Verses 12-13 - Davids men retraced their steps. When they returned to him, they reported all these words. David said to his men, All of you, put on your swords! So David and all his men put on their swords. Though David was a good man, when he heard how harsh Nabal was to his men, David lost his temper. He told his men to get their swords and David planned to find Nabal and kill him.
  • 22. Verses 12-13 - Davids men retraced their steps. When they returned to him, they reported all these words. David said to his men, All of you, put on your swords! So David and all his men put on their swords. Though it was wrong for David to react this way, we can understand his frustration. David had spent months being nice to a man he barely knew and the only thing he got in return was insults.
  • 23. Verses 12-13 - Davids men retraced their steps. When they returned to him, they reported all these words. David said to his men, All of you, put on your swords! So David and all his men put on their swords. People with a spirit of offense can get even nice people stirred up. As a result, sometimes even nice people hurt them, which only compounds their offended spirit.
  • 24. Verses 14, 18 - One of Nabals young men informed Abigail, Nabals wife . . . Abigail hurried, taking [a lot of food and supplies], and loaded them on donkeys. One of Nabals workers realized that David was angry enough to kill Nabal, so he told Abigail. Notice he did not bother to tell Nabal. Abigail quickly gathered up some food and headed out to stop David. Since she did it quickly, it probably was not the first time she had to do something like this.
  • 25. Verses 14, 18 - One of Nabals young men informed Abigail, Nabals wife . . . Abigail hurried, taking [a lot of food and supplies], and loaded them on donkeys. Friends and family members of people who have a spirit of offense often have to run interference for them and get them out of trouble. People with the spirit of offense seldom realize or appreciate what family and friends do behind the scenes to keep the peace.
  • 26. Verses 32, 34 - Then David said to Abigail, Praise to the LORD God of Israel, who sent you to meet me today! Otherwise, . . . if you had not come quickly to meet me, Nabal wouldnt have had any men left alive by morning light. David realized that two wrongs do not make a right and he decides not to go fight Nabal. David was thankful that Abigail came and stopped him from doing something he would have regretted later.
  • 27. Verses 32, 34 - Then David said to Abigail, Praise to the LORD God of Israel, who sent you to meet me today! Otherwise, . . . if you had not come quickly to meet me, Nabal wouldnt have had any men left alive by morning light. What is interesting in Davids reaction is that he could have developed a spirit of offense as well. Remember, Davids life had not exactly been perfect either.
  • 28. Verses 32, 34 - Then David said to Abigail, Praise to the LORD God of Israel, who sent you to meet me today! Otherwise, . . . if you had not come quickly to meet me, Nabal wouldnt have had any men left alive by morning light. Davids older brothers often made fun of him when he was a kid. King Saul was jealous of David and sought to kill him unjustly.
  • 29. Verses 32, 34 - Then David said to Abigail, Praise to the LORD God of Israel, who sent you to meet me today! Otherwise, . . . if you had not come quickly to meet me, Nabal wouldnt have had any men left alive by morning light. David was living in the wilderness protecting other peoples sheep and not getting paid for it. If anyone had a right to be offended, it was David.
  • 30. Verses 32, 34 - Then David said to Abigail, Praise to the LORD God of Israel, who sent you to meet me today! Otherwise, . . . if you had not come quickly to meet me, Nabal wouldnt have had any men left alive by morning light. David refused to allow a spirit of offense to take root in his heart. He had learned how to forgive. Like David, we have all been hurt at some point in our lives. We ALL have stuff we could be angry about. What differs is HOW we handle our hurt.
  • 31. Verse 37 - In the morning when Nabal sobered up, his wife told him about these events. Then he had a seizure and became paralyzed. The next day when Abigail told Nabal about the disaster that his mean spirit had almost caused, it bothered Nabal so much that he had a seizure. It is unlikely that he was sorry for his actions. It is more likely that he was sorry about what could have been the consequences of those actions. The seizure paralyzed him and ten days later he died. An offended spirit often leads to early death.
  • 32. Verse 37 - In the morning when Nabal sobered up, his wife told him about these events. Then he had a seizure and became paralyzed. When we allow a spirit of offense to take root in us, it will grow like a cancer until it chokes the life out of us. It will choke us emotionally, spiritually, relationally, and even physically, such as in Nabals story. An offense is not worth holding on to!!!! But learning to forgive when the person does not deserve it is REALLY hard.
  • 33. I read a blog by a lady who was angry at her ex-husband for abusing her and her children. She said she knew she should forgive but just could not. She said this: It's been a bad few weeks and my emotional state has landed me on probation at work and they cut my hours. I am going see if I can get on disability for the depression that has reared its ugly head again. My life is still a shambles even 5 years after my divorce.
  • 34. Dr. Raymond Lloyd Richmond is a psychologist from San Francisco who maintains a website on the psychology of forgiveness. He says: ANYONE who has ever been victimizedand that includes survivors of crime, accidents, childhood abuse, political imprisonment, warfare, and so onmust decide whether or not to forgive the perpetrator. There can be no middle ground to this decision: either you decide to forgive the person who hurt you, or you hold on to bitterness and anger.
  • 35. Conclusion: 1.Many of us have been deeply offended by something in our past. That offense was real and should not be taken lightly. 2.But at some point we must learn to forgive and move beyond the offense. 3.Otherwise, a spirit of offense will take root in our lives and it will eventually poison every aspect of our lives. 4.We must get learn to forgive and release the spirit of offense in order to have a blessed life.