Constructive Conflict 3: Resolution
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Part 3 of 3 in a crash course on conflict resolution in organizations with distributed authority & small semi-autonomous creative teams
Constructive Conflict 3: Resolution
- 3. 1. define the problematic interaction
- 4. *practice: empathetic reflection to define the problem*
- 5. 2. amplify reasons to work together
- 6. *practice: amplify reasons to work together*
- 7. 3. brainstorm many solutions before zeroing in on one
- 8. *practice: brainstorming solutions in a conflict resolution setting*
- 9. 4. select a solution & agree on how to measure & follow up
- 10. *practice: selecting solution, agreeing*
- 11. PRE-MEDIATION SCREENING Assess each persons -Willingness -Ability Determine: What the problem is from each POV
- 12. MEDIATION Guide people through: 1. Self-responsible expression of experience in relation to the other person 2. Self-responsible expression of core needs which are not being met due to the interaction 3. Collaborative solution-finding process
- 13. Mediator responsibility Guide people by: 1. Empathetic reflection to get to the root of the issue 2. Redirect Dirty Communication 3. Keep watch on emotional tone & be willing to walk away from the table if people arent cooperating 4. Monitor time and flow
- 14. Complete mediation process: 1. Define problem together 2. Amplify cooperation 3. Brainstorm solutions 4. Choose, agree to implement & measure
- 15. Step 1: defining problem 1. Each party describes what they experience 2. Each party reflects what they have heard 3. Suggest a definition: sounds like you guys are both suffering from
- 16. Statements to be used in step 1: How do you experience interactions with George? How do you feel when that happens? Can you say more about how that affects you negatively? What did you hear George say about how he experiences this interaction with you?
- 17. PITFALLS for mediator 1. Working harder than they are 2. Solving the problem for them 3. Taking sides 4. Own fear of conflict 5. Try to rescue
- 18. *practice: conflict resolution from start to finish*
Editor's Notes
- #2: Intro round talking point: what stuck with you the most from last time what did you find yourself thinking about, or applying in your work? Reminder: whats said here stays here Reminder: questions are more important than answers, take what you like and leave the rest This is one way to approach, not the only way
- #3: Conflict resolution using the COLLABORATIVE style High assertiveness plus high cooperation
- #4: He never wants to talk to me about decisions he makes that affect me, thats the problem She always wants to talk about every little decision & I cant get anything done, thats the problem Agreed upon problem we want different amounts of talking when it comes to decisions This can take a while, and you have to clear out perception differences, emotions, fears & mistrust, aggression, etc. If this step is done well, you can proceed you may have to come back to this definition as a starting point again & again
- #6: We BOTH dont want to fight We BOTH want to have an amount of talking that feels good We BOTH want to stay on this team (get on the same side of the problem you & me, all of us against THE PROBLEM, not against each other) Generate goodwill: what do you appreciate about each other When was a time when you really got along well What may you like to acknowledge about the other What do you respect that you may have never admitted
- #8: Brainstorm solutions together. (get creative, brainstorm, no idea is wrong). SEPARATE INVENTING FROM DECIDING -Quickly filling out some what if questions -encourage creative brainstorming -break the problem down into smaller nuggets, aspects to think of solutions for each part -encourage a tentative approach to solutions, asking parties to imagine what it would be like if they chose this or that solution -agree on increments of change you could test try out Obstacles: premature judgments Searching for the answer & deciding before all options have been explored The assumption of a fixed pie Thinking its the other persons fault, so why should I have to solve it (lack of goodwill)
- #10: Objective criteria: could be from the organization From agile From best practices Research and prepare! Agree on who & where to find best practices