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Conversations of conflict

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Pete Wilkins
Pete Wilkins

This document discusses conflict from multiple perspectives: - Conflict is a natural part of life and should be seen as such rather than as a punishment. - There are different ways people perceive conflict, including magnifying it, misperceiving it, or failing to perceive it altogether. The ideal is to perceive it clearly. - Four rules are provided for clearly perceiving conflict situations: consider past context, watch for implied versus literal statements, observe non-verbal cues, and listen carefully to what is said and unsaid. - Six options for responding to conflict are outlined symbolically: fighting back, withdrawing, negotiating, doing nothing, deception, or blending by going with the direction of the conflict

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Conversations of Conflict May 2008 Pete Wilkins
A perspective to consider Conflict is necessary for all life. Conflict is the opposition of wills, principals, or forces. It is part of our biology, our psychology and our daily lives…see conflict as a function of nature instead of pretending that it’s a punishment. ~Terry Dobson
Ways of Viewing Conflict • Magnifiers - People who see all conflict as equally threatening • Misperceivers - People who misperceive conflict You don’t see the whole – Type 1 - Sees conflict where there is none iceberg – Type 2 - Incorrectly reads the conflict situation • Failed Perceivers - People who don’t see it coming The ballplayer who doesn’t see the block back on punt cover • Clear Perceivers - See the situation clearly, see it as a function of nature, see it for what it is not what it appears to be.
4 Rules to Perceiving Conflict Clearly 1. Take the past into consideration 2. Be on the look out for questions that are really statements. E.g., Are you sure you should be doing that? Means I don’t think you should be doing that. 3. Observe the person’s face (especially the eyes), manner, breathing, posture, etc. 4. Listen carefully to what is being said and, just as important, to what is not being said.
6 Options to Conflict and their Symbolic Shapes 1. Push back, fight back, attack back Attacker Attacker You Yo u 2. Withdrawal u Yo You Negotiation Attacker requires two Adversary circles after 3. Negotiate the initial stage otherwise You You there is no Attacker negotiation. 4. Do nothing, ignore Like You negotiation Attacker but deception adds the element of 5. Deception untruth for the You sake of buying time. Attacker Like a revolving door 6. Blend (Confluence) you turn and move with the You direction of the attack

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Conversations of conflict

  • 1. Conversations of Conflict May 2008 Pete Wilkins
  • 2. A perspective to consider Conflict is necessary for all life. Conflict is the opposition of wills, principals, or forces. It is part of our biology, our psychology and our daily lives…see conflict as a function of nature instead of pretending that it’s a punishment. ~Terry Dobson
  • 3. Ways of Viewing Conflict • Magnifiers - People who see all conflict as equally threatening • Misperceivers - People who misperceive conflict You don’t see the whole – Type 1 - Sees conflict where there is none iceberg – Type 2 - Incorrectly reads the conflict situation • Failed Perceivers - People who don’t see it coming The ballplayer who doesn’t see the block back on punt cover • Clear Perceivers - See the situation clearly, see it as a function of nature, see it for what it is not what it appears to be.
  • 4. 4 Rules to Perceiving Conflict Clearly 1. Take the past into consideration 2. Be on the look out for questions that are really statements. E.g., Are you sure you should be doing that? Means I don’t think you should be doing that. 3. Observe the person’s face (especially the eyes), manner, breathing, posture, etc. 4. Listen carefully to what is being said and, just as important, to what is not being said.
  • 5. 6 Options to Conflict and their Symbolic Shapes 1. Push back, fight back, attack back Attacker Attacker You Yo u 2. Withdrawal u Yo You Negotiation Attacker requires two Adversary circles after 3. Negotiate the initial stage otherwise You You there is no Attacker negotiation. 4. Do nothing, ignore Like You negotiation Attacker but deception adds the element of 5. Deception untruth for the You sake of buying time. Attacker Like a revolving door 6. Blend (Confluence) you turn and move with the You direction of the attack