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Digital Wellbeing: Meaningful Daily Actions for Parents - COVID

Max Stossel
Max Stossel

A list of practices parents I've spoken with have found helpful for managing their mental health and general wellbeing in the world of smartphones & social media.

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Max Stossel - Center for Humane Technology Tools & Reminders For Parents This document is meant as a follow up to the talk Education In The Age Of Distraction
Phone-Free zones Setting zones in your home like the dinner table or the bedroom where no one (parents or kids) are allowed to use the devices can be a helpful tool. Helps facilitate conversation and children tend to be more accepting of this when parents are held to the same standard.
Physical alarm clock Charge your device outside the bedroom. Get aseparate alarm clockin your bedroom, and charge your phone in another room (or on the other side of the room). This way, you can wake up without getting sucked into your phone before you even get out of bed. This allows you to wake up and think your own thoughts as well as prevents you from immediately introducing stress and anxiety into your day. If you have your bedroom as a device free zone, this can do WONDERS for quality of sleep. (Blue light before bed messes with our sleep)
Lead by example Make an effort to use technology as a tool instead of an end in itself. When using technology, lets communicate the why to our children and ask them to communicate theirs. Im picking up my phone to send your mom something she needs for her doctors appointment, Ill put it down right after I send the message. I know Im on my computer a lot during this time, but Im working. This screentime is different from TikTok, its how our family puts food on the table. Its hard to have a healthy relationship with technology, and you likely wont be able to communicate, or use it intentionally all the time. Admitting when weve fallen into the mindless rabbit hole is not only okay, but can also set a good example of sharing honestly and acknowledging the dif鍖culty. Of course there is going to be more Screentime during COVID, and please be gentle with yourselves! Its a hard time to be a parent.
Reduce blue light at night Research shows that blue light (which is emitted from most screens) negatively impacts our quality of sleep. Some have reported its helpful to wind down with no screen time for at least an hour before going to sleep. Features like Nightshift and extensions like F.lux help reduce the amount of harmful light from our screens, but from talking to people who have tried both, the screenless wind down seems more effective. F.lux can be downloaded by clicking the above link, and there are two ways to turn Night Shift on and off: Open Control Center.Firmly press the Brightness control icon, then tapto turn Night Shift on or off. 1. Go to Settings > Display & Brightness > Night Shift. 2On the same screen, you can schedule a time for Night Shift to turn on automatically and adjust color temperature.
Include your kids in the rule-making process: I notice how much time youre spending on social media and it concerns me. Can we talk about that? Talking to your kids about your reasoning and theirs, and making decisions with them, as opposed to for them, can help them trust your guidance. Work to understand the underlying needs and associated triggers driving them to digital distraction, and brainstorm solutions that may or may not involve screens. Parenting in a pandemic is HARD most parents have been more 鍖exible during COVID. Working with them is not the same as caving to their every whim :)
Study & focus with your phone outside the room Although these devices have immense potential to improve welfare, their persistent presence may come at a cognitive cost. In this research, we test the brain drain hypothesis that the mere presence of ones own smartphone may occupy limited- capacity cognitive resources, thereby leaving fewer resources available for other tasks and undercutting cognitive performance. Results from two experiments indicate that even when people are successful at maintaining sustained attentionas when avoiding the temptation to check their phonesthe mere presence of these devices reduces available cognitive capacity. Moreover, these cognitive costs are highest for those highest in smartphone dependence. - Ward et al. 2017
Ask the right questions Instead of asking Do you like that game/app? Ask: How does that game/app make you feel? This allows us to separate the focus from how much time were spending on something vs. how it impacts us on a human level
Hobby ideas Game Quitters Has a Hobby Tool which is a great resource for anyone looking for an answer to What else am I supposed to do with my time right now?! You can select activities based on your preferences, like At Home Free Of鍖ine Easy to Start Creative Low Cost etc.
Turn o鍖 all noti鍖cations except frompeople. Noti鍖cations appear in RED dots because red is a trigger color that instantly draws our attention. But most noti鍖cations are generated by machines, not actual people. They keep our phones vibrating to lure us back into apps we don't reallyneed to be in. VisitSettings> Noti鍖cationsand turn off all noti鍖cations,banners, and badges,except from apps whererealpeople want your attention; e.g.messaging apps like WhatsApp, FB Messenger, Signal, Telegram, WeChat etc.
Greyscale Colorful icons give our brains shiny rewards every time we unlock. Set your phone to grayscale to remove those positive reinforcements. It helps many people check their phone less. as well as creates a moment of Mindfullness. Ugh this thing is grey why did I pick it up again? Did I mean to? Common for this effect to wears off after a few weeks. Go to Settings > General > Accessibility > Accessibility Shortcut (bottom)>Color Filters. This allows you to quicklytriple-tapthe home button to toggle grayscale on and off, so you keep color when you need it.
Screentime & Digital Wellbeing Apples Screentime and Androids digital wellbeing features will help you and your family set limits on certain apps. How to set up Screentime How to set up Digital Wellbeing (No family option as of April 2019)
OurPact & Circle At the end of each talk I ask parents Is there anything youre doing thats working really well for you? And OurPact and Circle are two products that come up frequently. If Screentime or Digital Wellbeing are not meeting your needs. In my experience, these are the parental control tools that seem to be rising to the top as tools for monitoring/blocking speci鍖c apps and setting limits. Note: Others have complained that if you dont sign up for the premium membership OurPact scrambles the order of apps on your childs phone. And that Circle may slow down your wi鍖.
Go cold turkey This one is tough, but effective! Its the easiest way to cut back and improve your mental health, as these apps can easily gobble up so much of our time and wellbeing. This does not mean stop messaging and sharing pictures & videos with your friends! It just means moving those conversations to less toxic digital environments. Delete Tik Tok Make a dance or funny video and send it to people you love directly Delete Snapchat Use Text & WhatsApp Delete Instagram Or at least prune Instagram of Joy Thieves {unfollow everyone who doesnt make you feel good about yourself} If its not social media for you, what is that one app/ game that sucks you in the most but leaves you with regret? Delete that one! NOTE: This is FAR more effective for teenagers to do in groups. High likelihood of an unsatisfying outcome if they try and do this by themselves. Its also helpful to frame it as a challenge. Try deleting it for a week and see how it feels. Do you really want to go your whole life without knowing what it feels like not having social media on your phone?
Its never been easier to run from ourselves Learning to sit with feelings, boredom, and the challenges that come with daily life is going to be a major challenge for the next generation. SEL, Mindfulness and Communication, have become essential skills to navigate this digital world.
Contact: Max Stossel Thank you for listening. Id love to hear whats working and not working for you as you try these tools. Email: max@humanetech.com (were a non-pro鍖t) Title: Education Advisor, Center for Humane Technology Your Feedback Informs Our Work: If youd like help with something not covered: Please submit it here If youd like to suggest a resource/intervention thats worked well for you personally: Please submit it here

More Related Content

Digital Wellbeing: Meaningful Daily Actions for Parents - COVID

  • 1. Max Stossel - Center for Humane Technology Tools & Reminders For Parents This document is meant as a follow up to the talk Education In The Age Of Distraction
  • 2. Phone-Free zones Setting zones in your home like the dinner table or the bedroom where no one (parents or kids) are allowed to use the devices can be a helpful tool. Helps facilitate conversation and children tend to be more accepting of this when parents are held to the same standard.
  • 3. Physical alarm clock Charge your device outside the bedroom. Get aseparate alarm clockin your bedroom, and charge your phone in another room (or on the other side of the room). This way, you can wake up without getting sucked into your phone before you even get out of bed. This allows you to wake up and think your own thoughts as well as prevents you from immediately introducing stress and anxiety into your day. If you have your bedroom as a device free zone, this can do WONDERS for quality of sleep. (Blue light before bed messes with our sleep)
  • 4. Lead by example Make an effort to use technology as a tool instead of an end in itself. When using technology, lets communicate the why to our children and ask them to communicate theirs. Im picking up my phone to send your mom something she needs for her doctors appointment, Ill put it down right after I send the message. I know Im on my computer a lot during this time, but Im working. This screentime is different from TikTok, its how our family puts food on the table. Its hard to have a healthy relationship with technology, and you likely wont be able to communicate, or use it intentionally all the time. Admitting when weve fallen into the mindless rabbit hole is not only okay, but can also set a good example of sharing honestly and acknowledging the dif鍖culty. Of course there is going to be more Screentime during COVID, and please be gentle with yourselves! Its a hard time to be a parent.
  • 5. Reduce blue light at night Research shows that blue light (which is emitted from most screens) negatively impacts our quality of sleep. Some have reported its helpful to wind down with no screen time for at least an hour before going to sleep. Features like Nightshift and extensions like F.lux help reduce the amount of harmful light from our screens, but from talking to people who have tried both, the screenless wind down seems more effective. F.lux can be downloaded by clicking the above link, and there are two ways to turn Night Shift on and off: Open Control Center.Firmly press the Brightness control icon, then tapto turn Night Shift on or off. 1. Go to Settings > Display & Brightness > Night Shift. 2On the same screen, you can schedule a time for Night Shift to turn on automatically and adjust color temperature.
  • 6. Include your kids in the rule-making process: I notice how much time youre spending on social media and it concerns me. Can we talk about that? Talking to your kids about your reasoning and theirs, and making decisions with them, as opposed to for them, can help them trust your guidance. Work to understand the underlying needs and associated triggers driving them to digital distraction, and brainstorm solutions that may or may not involve screens. Parenting in a pandemic is HARD most parents have been more 鍖exible during COVID. Working with them is not the same as caving to their every whim :)
  • 7. Study & focus with your phone outside the room Although these devices have immense potential to improve welfare, their persistent presence may come at a cognitive cost. In this research, we test the brain drain hypothesis that the mere presence of ones own smartphone may occupy limited- capacity cognitive resources, thereby leaving fewer resources available for other tasks and undercutting cognitive performance. Results from two experiments indicate that even when people are successful at maintaining sustained attentionas when avoiding the temptation to check their phonesthe mere presence of these devices reduces available cognitive capacity. Moreover, these cognitive costs are highest for those highest in smartphone dependence. - Ward et al. 2017
  • 8. Ask the right questions Instead of asking Do you like that game/app? Ask: How does that game/app make you feel? This allows us to separate the focus from how much time were spending on something vs. how it impacts us on a human level
  • 9. Hobby ideas Game Quitters Has a Hobby Tool which is a great resource for anyone looking for an answer to What else am I supposed to do with my time right now?! You can select activities based on your preferences, like At Home Free Of鍖ine Easy to Start Creative Low Cost etc.
  • 10. Turn o鍖 all noti鍖cations except frompeople. Noti鍖cations appear in RED dots because red is a trigger color that instantly draws our attention. But most noti鍖cations are generated by machines, not actual people. They keep our phones vibrating to lure us back into apps we don't reallyneed to be in. VisitSettings> Noti鍖cationsand turn off all noti鍖cations,banners, and badges,except from apps whererealpeople want your attention; e.g.messaging apps like WhatsApp, FB Messenger, Signal, Telegram, WeChat etc.
  • 11. Greyscale Colorful icons give our brains shiny rewards every time we unlock. Set your phone to grayscale to remove those positive reinforcements. It helps many people check their phone less. as well as creates a moment of Mindfullness. Ugh this thing is grey why did I pick it up again? Did I mean to? Common for this effect to wears off after a few weeks. Go to Settings > General > Accessibility > Accessibility Shortcut (bottom)>Color Filters. This allows you to quicklytriple-tapthe home button to toggle grayscale on and off, so you keep color when you need it.
  • 12. Screentime & Digital Wellbeing Apples Screentime and Androids digital wellbeing features will help you and your family set limits on certain apps. How to set up Screentime How to set up Digital Wellbeing (No family option as of April 2019)
  • 13. OurPact & Circle At the end of each talk I ask parents Is there anything youre doing thats working really well for you? And OurPact and Circle are two products that come up frequently. If Screentime or Digital Wellbeing are not meeting your needs. In my experience, these are the parental control tools that seem to be rising to the top as tools for monitoring/blocking speci鍖c apps and setting limits. Note: Others have complained that if you dont sign up for the premium membership OurPact scrambles the order of apps on your childs phone. And that Circle may slow down your wi鍖.
  • 14. Go cold turkey This one is tough, but effective! Its the easiest way to cut back and improve your mental health, as these apps can easily gobble up so much of our time and wellbeing. This does not mean stop messaging and sharing pictures & videos with your friends! It just means moving those conversations to less toxic digital environments. Delete Tik Tok Make a dance or funny video and send it to people you love directly Delete Snapchat Use Text & WhatsApp Delete Instagram Or at least prune Instagram of Joy Thieves {unfollow everyone who doesnt make you feel good about yourself} If its not social media for you, what is that one app/ game that sucks you in the most but leaves you with regret? Delete that one! NOTE: This is FAR more effective for teenagers to do in groups. High likelihood of an unsatisfying outcome if they try and do this by themselves. Its also helpful to frame it as a challenge. Try deleting it for a week and see how it feels. Do you really want to go your whole life without knowing what it feels like not having social media on your phone?
  • 15. Its never been easier to run from ourselves Learning to sit with feelings, boredom, and the challenges that come with daily life is going to be a major challenge for the next generation. SEL, Mindfulness and Communication, have become essential skills to navigate this digital world.
  • 16. Contact: Max Stossel Thank you for listening. Id love to hear whats working and not working for you as you try these tools. Email: max@humanetech.com (were a non-pro鍖t) Title: Education Advisor, Center for Humane Technology Your Feedback Informs Our Work: If youd like help with something not covered: Please submit it here If youd like to suggest a resource/intervention thats worked well for you personally: Please submit it here