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Unit 4 Essay feedback

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Sally Longford
Sally Longford

This document provides feedback on essays and guidance for improvement. Key points include: 1) Students must thoroughly review comments and grading rubrics to understand where marks were lost. 2) Essays should be several pages long and include a variety of recent, global case studies from different sources to earn high marks. 3) Introductions need to clearly establish the purpose and include relevant context. Conclusions should thoroughly summarize case studies. 4) Analysis must discuss both positive and negative impacts on people and consider a range of perspectives, rather than simplistic statements.

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Essay feedback IT IS VITAL YOU LOOK THROUGH THE COMMENTS AND MARKING GRID TO SEE WHERE YOU HAVE MISSED MARKS
Grade Boundaries A* 62 A 57 B 53 C 47 D 42 E 38
Some of you need to speed up Its very difficult to get really high grades if you write a small amount! In 1遜 hours you should be able to write several pages!
Particular issues: Tectonics - intro Almost no one mentioned why management was needed/what is the purpose, in the intro! Haiti is an LDC, not an LEDC, you should know this! Several people spent too long on old case studies need to be topical for top marks, so not much after mid-90s Cultural intro Too few people mentioned anything to do with different scales global/ national/regional diversity Too often too few case studies or too little variety Dont get diversity and multiculturalism mixed up!
Methodology Too many people missing easy marks by not doing enough! When you know what case studies youre doing create a table and learn it off by heart. You can run it past me. You must have variety videos, newspapers, journals, webpages, etc. Please dont include Wikipedia, or at least only once! You must say something about how you got reliable, fairly unbiased data. Good terms to use are peer reviewed, widely respected, cross referenced,
And with the Analysis Lack of mention of people in general, pushed many of you down the grid Very sloppy on values and perspectives. You cannot just say everything is good in MEDCs and everything is bad in NICs/LDCs/LEDCs. Too few case studies that show that sometimes things go right in poor countries The reason there was no tsunami warning system in the Indian Ocean in 2004 was because there was no knowledge that they were a threat in the region. Little research had been done, and so no one was expecting it. In hindsight it seems na誰ve (or did USGS just not care?) Too many points were simplistic, and imprecise very few people mentioned individual charities efforts at the relief stage, why ever not? When a country/region/tribe maintains its traditions, language, etc that is good for global diversity. Cultural homogeneity isnt a bad thing in itself, only if its achieved through coercion or violence (racism, ethnic cleansing, etc) Hardly any mention of language, and yet weve done some work about how important it is in maintaining culture and passing knowledge down the generations Very few people mentioned anything to do with preservation as a human factor in maintaining culture. Surprised that there was so little mention of UNESCO whose main job is to support diversity across the globe! Be topical. When you did mention separatists it was usually somewhere other than the UK what about the Scottish?
Conclusion and evaluation At the end of most, if not all, sections do a little sum up this shows that . is/isnt important etc The conclusion must refer back to the major points in your essay bring together your important or less important bits so the case studies of . and . clearly show that . Is the most important factor, however .. suggests that is also very important etc. To get good marks it has to be based on content or even better thorough recall of case studies, in other words it cant be done in 6 lines! You must time yourself so youve got 15 minutes at the end to get it done
Dos and donts Do Use fairly recent examples Make sure they are from different regions feeling that theres a bit too much USA! Have a mix of Volcanoes and Earthquakes Recognise that scale matters Japan 2011 and Indian Ocean Tsunami were mega events! Dont Get too caught up with the different responses to primary and secondary hazards for the same event, it makes it seem disjointed Talk about good or bad response instead use effective, successful, unhelpful, unsuccessful etc. Do Think at large scale about some issues, like globalisation, technological change, language, religion, UNESCO, TNCs Then bring them down to the local so loss of language is bad because and this has impacted on culture in . Fine to recognise that globalisation can bring good things like better healthcare, but at a price Make sure you have a few with different physical factors involved! Dont Say that everyone getting mixed up is a good thing eg TNCs help diversity, they dont they destroy it!
What next? Choose one of your case studies and do a timeline of what happened before, during and after the event. Who did what and whether it was effective or not. Then categorise the actions into the Parks model pre, relief, rehab and reconstruction Choose one of your case studies and do a diagram which shows the factors affecting culture: How about this, like a Venn diagram (but please dont all do Bhutan!) Bhutan Culture Human factors Physical factors
Next title! Hand in next week! Assess the extent to which preparation work undertaken before the event is the most effective means of managing tectonic hazards Assess the extent to which human factors are most important in determining levels of cultural diversity

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Unit 4 Essay feedback

  • 1. Essay feedback IT IS VITAL YOU LOOK THROUGH THE COMMENTS AND MARKING GRID TO SEE WHERE YOU HAVE MISSED MARKS
  • 2. Grade Boundaries A* 62 A 57 B 53 C 47 D 42 E 38
  • 3. Some of you need to speed up Its very difficult to get really high grades if you write a small amount! In 1遜 hours you should be able to write several pages!
  • 4. Particular issues: Tectonics - intro Almost no one mentioned why management was needed/what is the purpose, in the intro! Haiti is an LDC, not an LEDC, you should know this! Several people spent too long on old case studies need to be topical for top marks, so not much after mid-90s Cultural intro Too few people mentioned anything to do with different scales global/ national/regional diversity Too often too few case studies or too little variety Dont get diversity and multiculturalism mixed up!
  • 5. Methodology Too many people missing easy marks by not doing enough! When you know what case studies youre doing create a table and learn it off by heart. You can run it past me. You must have variety videos, newspapers, journals, webpages, etc. Please dont include Wikipedia, or at least only once! You must say something about how you got reliable, fairly unbiased data. Good terms to use are peer reviewed, widely respected, cross referenced,
  • 6. And with the Analysis Lack of mention of people in general, pushed many of you down the grid Very sloppy on values and perspectives. You cannot just say everything is good in MEDCs and everything is bad in NICs/LDCs/LEDCs. Too few case studies that show that sometimes things go right in poor countries The reason there was no tsunami warning system in the Indian Ocean in 2004 was because there was no knowledge that they were a threat in the region. Little research had been done, and so no one was expecting it. In hindsight it seems na誰ve (or did USGS just not care?) Too many points were simplistic, and imprecise very few people mentioned individual charities efforts at the relief stage, why ever not? When a country/region/tribe maintains its traditions, language, etc that is good for global diversity. Cultural homogeneity isnt a bad thing in itself, only if its achieved through coercion or violence (racism, ethnic cleansing, etc) Hardly any mention of language, and yet weve done some work about how important it is in maintaining culture and passing knowledge down the generations Very few people mentioned anything to do with preservation as a human factor in maintaining culture. Surprised that there was so little mention of UNESCO whose main job is to support diversity across the globe! Be topical. When you did mention separatists it was usually somewhere other than the UK what about the Scottish?
  • 7. Conclusion and evaluation At the end of most, if not all, sections do a little sum up this shows that . is/isnt important etc The conclusion must refer back to the major points in your essay bring together your important or less important bits so the case studies of . and . clearly show that . Is the most important factor, however .. suggests that is also very important etc. To get good marks it has to be based on content or even better thorough recall of case studies, in other words it cant be done in 6 lines! You must time yourself so youve got 15 minutes at the end to get it done
  • 8. Dos and donts Do Use fairly recent examples Make sure they are from different regions feeling that theres a bit too much USA! Have a mix of Volcanoes and Earthquakes Recognise that scale matters Japan 2011 and Indian Ocean Tsunami were mega events! Dont Get too caught up with the different responses to primary and secondary hazards for the same event, it makes it seem disjointed Talk about good or bad response instead use effective, successful, unhelpful, unsuccessful etc. Do Think at large scale about some issues, like globalisation, technological change, language, religion, UNESCO, TNCs Then bring them down to the local so loss of language is bad because and this has impacted on culture in . Fine to recognise that globalisation can bring good things like better healthcare, but at a price Make sure you have a few with different physical factors involved! Dont Say that everyone getting mixed up is a good thing eg TNCs help diversity, they dont they destroy it!
  • 9. What next? Choose one of your case studies and do a timeline of what happened before, during and after the event. Who did what and whether it was effective or not. Then categorise the actions into the Parks model pre, relief, rehab and reconstruction Choose one of your case studies and do a diagram which shows the factors affecting culture: How about this, like a Venn diagram (but please dont all do Bhutan!) Bhutan Culture Human factors Physical factors
  • 10. Next title! Hand in next week! Assess the extent to which preparation work undertaken before the event is the most effective means of managing tectonic hazards Assess the extent to which human factors are most important in determining levels of cultural diversity