Finding my Own Voice by Cookie
- 1. FINDING MY OWN VOICE". My passionis (supporting women) who think and feel "they can't go the distance with too much Resistance",by guiding you to see that the power is inside you. I REALIZED WHY THIS WAS, I HAD SO MUCH FEAR AROUND BEING MYSELF WITH OTHER PEOPLE, (THEY HELD MY CARDS IN THEIR HAND), JUST LIKE WHEN I WAS A KID IF I WANTED TO EAT GOOD, GET CLOTHES, BE TREATED SOMEWHAT DECENT, I HAD TO TOW THE LINE, OR, I WAS EXPECTED TO BE PERFECT, DO EXTRA, NOT TALK OR SHARE AN OPINION, PRETEND THEY WERE GOOD, BASICALLY ELIMINATE MYSELF IN THE EQUATION. THATS HOW I GOT MY BASIC NEEDS MET.
- 2. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME IN THE NOT SO DISTANT PASSED WAS THAT I STARTED TO CRAVE AUTHENTIC LIVING, I WANTED TO WALK MY WALK AND TALK MY TALK. I WANTED TO BE ABLE TO SAY WHAT I WAS SO AFRAID TO. THAT I WAS VALUABLE AND I NEEDED TO BE RESPECTED FOR WHO I AM, NOT WHO YOU NEED ME TO BE, NOT WHO I USED TO BE, OR EVEN WHO I PRETENDED TO BE FOR SO LONG SO YOU WOULD LOVE ME, CARE FOR ME AND KEEP ME.
- 3. ALSO, I WOULD GET CAUGHT UP IN WHAT THE CIRCLE'S HAD TO SAY ABOUT EVERYTHING AND EVERY-ONE, MOSTLY BECAUSE I WAS HAPPY THEY WERE NOT TALKING ABOUT ME! LITTLE BY LITTLE IT WAS EFFECTING MY SELF-WORTH. AND MY INTEGRITY. THIS LEAD ME TO READING SOME DYNAMIC BOOKS ON GETTING HONEST, LETTING GO OF THE POWERFUL EGOS EFFECT ON MY HAPPINESS. I STARTED WAKING UP AND LOOKING MORE CLOSELY AT MY THOUGHTS,
- 4. SEARCHING FOR THE TRUTH IS DIFFERENT FOR EACH OF US AS IT SHOULD BE, SO I AM ONLY SPEAKING OF MY JOURNEY. YOUR JOURNEY MAY BE VERY DIFFERENT, I HONOR THIS. WHILE READING ECKHART TOLLS BOOK, FINDING YOUR PURPOSE, MANY THINGS STARTED CLICKING, THAT MY THOUGHTS
- 5. DID HAVE A THEME THAT I WAS NOT ENTIRELY AWARE. I BECAME SO REACTIVE TO ALMOST EVERYTHING, MY FEELINGS WERE UP AND DOWN LIKE A YO YO. IT WAS MY EGO. THE VOICE IN MY HEAD THAT HAD AN OPINION ABOUT EVERY OUTSIDE EVENT I ENCOUNTERED. EVERY DAY I PAID A LITTLE MORE ATTENTION TO MY THOUGHT PATTERNS I FOUND A VERY NEGATIVE DIALOGUE GOING DOWN THAT SAID; WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TELLING OTHER PEOPLE YOUR
- 6. FEELINGS , WHY DID YOU DO THAT AND NO-ONE WILL LIKE YOU, YOU ARE GOING TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF AGAIN. THAT WAS SO STUPID, THIS APPOSING VOICE IN MY HEAD WAS BEATING ME DOWN AT EVERY TURN AND I HAD NEVER BEFORE SEEN IT IN THIS WAY. IF YOU TELL YOURSELF LONG ENOUGH THAT YOU ARE REALLY NOT IMPORTANT, NOT LOVED, NEVER GOING TO CHANGE, THE CHANCES ARE VERY GOOD THAT IT WILL BECOME REALITY.
- 7. WHERE DID THIS VOICE OR EGO COME FROM? MY BEST GUESS IS THAT IT ORIGINATED BACK TO MY INNER CHILD, (MY INSIDE VOICE), WHO HAS BEEN CALCULATING MY SELF-WORTH OVER SOME 45 YEARS BASED ON HOW I WAS RAISED. BASED ON MY BATTLES IN RELATIONSHIPS, MONEY, AND SUCCESS. BASED ON HOW I TOOK CARE OF MY-SELF WHEN IT WAS MY TURN TO LEAD. THIS GOES FAR BACK TO THE LITTLE GIRL THAT WAS LEFT UN- ATTENDED FOR GREAT LENGTHS OF TIME, DROPPED OFF WITH MANY (OTHER PEOPLE) WHEN I WAS VERY YOUNG, WHERE NOT EVERYONE LIKED BEING DUMPED WITH A CHILD, EVEN ONE AS ADORABLE AS MYSELF. THE LITTLE GIRL WHO WAS NEVER ADDRESSED, SPOKEN TO, OR
- 8. CONSIDERED WHEN IT CAME TO MY WELL-BEING AND HAPPINESS. DO AS YOUR TOLD AND DONT MAKE WAVES, HAVE AN OPINION, OR EXPRESS DISCOMFORT. ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL AND GIVING, PLEASANT AND CHEERFUL, LADY-LIKE WITH POLISHED MANNERS. THERE WAS ONE IMPORTANT SIDE EFFECT I EXPERIENCED WHILE UNEARTHING MY TRUTH, (IT WAS THE ANGER AT MYSELF) AND ALL THOSE WHO
- 9. CONTRIBUTED TO MY LOW THOUGHT PROCESS OF SELF. SOMEWHERE INSIDE WAS A SAD LITTLE GIRL WHO HAD NEVER HAD HER DAY, OR BEEN LISTENED TO BY ANYONE THAT MATTERED. WORST WAS THE IDEA THAT I COULD ALLOW OTHER PEOPLE TO TAKE MY LIFE VALUE AND HAPPINESS AWAY. MY ABILITY TO HAND OVER MY SELF- POWER WAS SEVERELY INJURED AND NEEDED ATTENTION TO AMEND OLD BELIEFS AND LIMITED SELF- VIEWS.
- 10. I STARTED A LIST OF ALL THOSE WHO I HAD DEEP SEEDED RESENTMENT, AND I USED TECHNIQUES LIKE INVESTIGATING TO PIN POINT THOSE AREAS WHERE MY LIFE HAD BEEN EFFECTED THE MOST. WAS IT MY SELF- ESTEEM, SOCIAL GROUPS, SEXUAL INTERESTS, FINANCIAL, SPIRITUAL, EMPLOYMENT, OR ROMANTIC? YES, IT HAD EFFECTED ALL OF THEM, SOME MORE THAN OTHERS. I NEEDED TO LOOK AT WHY I ACCEPTED SO LITTLE IN RETURN FOR MY-SELF. (MOTIVES ARE THE
- 11. ENGINES OF ALL RELATIONSHIPS.) NOT JUST ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS, BUT ALL OF THEM. THERE IS A PAY-OFF FOR EVERY INTERACTION. THE PROBLEM COMES DOWN TO WHY DOES ONE NEED OUT-WEIGH ANOTHER? BY THIS I MEAN, WHY IS BEING ACCEPTED AND NEEDED BY OTHERS SO IMPORTANT THAT I WILL TRADE MY SELF- WORTH TO GET IT.
- 12. BY OVER-LOOKING MY BELIEFS, THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, SELF-RESPECT, TRUTH, NEEDS, FOR WHAT I THINK IS ACCEPTANCE AND LOVE. FOLLOWING ME? THE MAIN IDEA IS TO ASK YOURSELF, WHAT IS IN IT FOR ME? WHAT IS MY REAL MOTIVATION FOR DOING THIS? IF YOU CAN PLUG THIS INTO YOUR DAILY THOUGHT SYSTEM, YOU MAY FIND SOME INTERESTING INFORMATION. AGAIN, THIS IS NOT WRONG, IT IS HUMAN, AND HOW WE GET OUR DAY TO DAY NEEDS MET. THE PROBLEM COMES IN WHEN WE ARE WILLING TO GIVE TOO MUCH OF OUR-SELVES IN RETURN FOR ACCEPTANCE AND LOVE. THIS SHOULD NOT HURT. NO-ONE SHOULD HAVE TO FEEL THERE IS
- 13. NOTHING LEFT FOR SELF, OR THAT YOU DONT HAVE ENOUGH TO GET YOUR INNER NEEDS MET WITH COMFORT AND EASE. WE ALL DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND RESPECTED BY THE PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES! THE REAL ISSUE AT MY CORE WAS WHY DID I FEEL SO UNDESERVING AND HOW WOULD I FILL THIS HOLE LIST OF RED FLAGS TELLING YOU THIS IS UNHEALTHY.
- 14. WHEN YOU ARE EXPRESSING YOURSELF AND THE OTHER PERSON IS NOT PAYING ATTENTION, YOU FEEL UNHEARD. 1.WHEN YOU BRING THIS TO THEIR ATTENTION THEY SAY YOU ARE OVERLY SENSITIVE. 2.YOU ARE HAPPY AND WANT TO SHARE ABOUT YOUR GREATNESS, OTHER PERSON WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THEM-SELVES ONLY.
- 15. 3.YOU NEVER KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU WILL BE ACCEPTED FROM ONE DAY TO THE NEXT. 4.YOU HAVE AN ISSUE THAT YOU WANT TO CLEAR UP WITH OTHER PERSON AND THEY TELL YOU QUICKLY TO LET IT GO, ITS NOT IMPORTANT. 5.YOU INITIATE SEXUAL INTIMACY AND YOU ARE GIVEN A COLD SHOULDER.
- 16. 6.YOU TRY TO CHANGE OLD PATTERNS IN THE RELATIONSHIP AND YOU ARE MET WITH, ITS YOUR PROBLEM NOT MINE. 7.YOU EXPLAIN THAT YOU ARE HURTING FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP AND OTHER PERSON TELLS YOU ITS NOT THAT BAD OR REMINDS YOU OF FINANCIAL SUPPORT. 8.YOU FIND YOURSELF CRYING AND TRYING HARD TO HIDE IT FROM OTHERS, AS IT IS TOO EMBARRASSING.
- 17. 10.DEEP INSIDE YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP, BUT YOU ARE TOO AFRAID OF BEING ALONE, MAKING A DRASTIC CHANGE, WONDERING HOW THE OTHER PERSON WILL RE-ACT, FEAR OF EVER FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN, FEEL UN- WORTHY OF HAVING BETTER. BEING WITH SOMEONE WHO IS EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE HAPPENS WITH ALL RELATIONSHIPS. WHEN YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS ARE DISCOUNTED, YOU ARE EXPERIENCING A FORM OF ABUSE.
- 18. MY INTENTION IS NOT TO CAUSE MORE UN-HAPPINESS BUT RATHER TO ASSIST YOU ON THE JOURNEY OF FINDING YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF. AFFIRMATIONS FOR HEALING I AM GOOD ENOUGH TODAY. EVERYDAY I GROW STRONGER AND MORE AUTHENTIC. MY EXPERIENCES SHAPE ME, TEACH ME AND SHOW ME WHERE I AM, AND HOW TO MOVE FORWARD. I AM EAGER TO SPEAK MY TRUTH TODAY AND HOLD BACK NOTHING. MY HIGHER SPIRIT IS ALWAYS NEAR ME AND GUIDING ME TO MY HIGHEST LOVING ENERGY. I AM NOT PERFECT AND I AM OKAY WITH THAT.
- 19. I AM A GOOD PERSON AND I ACCEPT THIS TO BE MY TRUTH. Cookie Dean Cookie-Wisdom.com moonmaidendean@mail.com IF YOU ARE READY TO MAKE CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE, CREATE A MAP FOR FREEDOM, INDEPENDENCE AND AUTHENTICITY, I WOULD BE HONORED TO ASSIST YOU THROUGH THE MAZE OF SELF-DOUBT, FEAR, AND OLD- THINKING TO FIND THAT KICK ASS WOMEN YOU ARE HIDING WHO HAS EVERYTHING SHE NEEDS TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE ALWAYS DREAMED OF.