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Jokes in english

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Julian Galvis
Julian Galvis

This document contains a collection of short jokes and humorous anecdotes. It includes puns, plays on words, and silly misunderstandings. The jokes cover topics like geography, language, relationships, medicine, animals, and excuses for being late. Overall, the document has a lighthearted tone as it amuses the reader with various comedic scenarios and one-liners.

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Jokes in english
Jokes in english
Jokes in english
Jokes in english
WHAT IS THE LONGEST WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE? • SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!
TEACHER: MARIA PLEASE POINT TO AMERICA ON THE MAP. MARIA: THIS IS IT. TEACHER: WELL DONE. NOW CLASS, WHO FOUND AMERICA? CLASS: MARIA DID.
"AM I THE FIRST MAN YOU HAVE EVER LOVED?" HE SAID. "OF COURSE," SHE ANSWERED "WHY DO MEN ALWAYS ASK THE SAME QUESTION?".
• A man is talking to God. The man: "God, how long is a million years?" God: "To me, it's about a minute." The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?" God: "To me it's a penny." The man: "God, may I have a penny?" God: "Wait a minute."
• A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation? B: Yes, of course. A: Great! I never could before!
• Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". Student: I is the... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet
• Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
• The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick' The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?' The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...
• A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"
•A: Why are you crying? B: The elephant is dead. A: Was he your pet? B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave.
• Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.
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Jokes in english

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Jokes in english

  • 5. WHAT IS THE LONGEST WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE? • SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!
  • 6. TEACHER: MARIA PLEASE POINT TO AMERICA ON THE MAP. MARIA: THIS IS IT. TEACHER: WELL DONE. NOW CLASS, WHO FOUND AMERICA? CLASS: MARIA DID.
  • 7. "AM I THE FIRST MAN YOU HAVE EVER LOVED?" HE SAID. "OF COURSE," SHE ANSWERED "WHY DO MEN ALWAYS ASK THE SAME QUESTION?".
  • 8. • A man is talking to God. The man: "God, how long is a million years?" God: "To me, it's about a minute." The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?" God: "To me it's a penny." The man: "God, may I have a penny?" God: "Wait a minute."
  • 9. • A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation? B: Yes, of course. A: Great! I never could before!
  • 10. • Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". Student: I is the... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet
  • 11. • Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
  • 12. • The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick' The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?' The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...
  • 13. • A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"
  • 14. •A: Why are you crying? B: The elephant is dead. A: Was he your pet? B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave.
  • 15. • Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.