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Lesson #1 choppiness

Carrie Sheffield
Carrie Sheffield

The document discusses choppy writing and provides examples of choppy and corrected paragraphs. Choppy writing is characterized by short, repetitive sentences that begin with the same subject and verb pattern. To correct choppiness, a writer should vary sentence structure by using different sentence openings like introductory clauses, combining short sentences, and avoiding excessive repetition of words. The sample choppy paragraph is then revised to have less repetitive sentences that are more complex in structure.

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Grammar Lesson 1: Choppiness
In short, choppy sentences read as if they have a ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum rhythm. Consider the following: I went to the store. My friend came with me. She bought shoes and a blouse. I didnt buy anything because I was broke. The cashier was rude. She clearly had a bad day. What is choppiness?
Key causes of choppiness: Repetition of sentence pattern (beginning most, if not all, of the sentences with a subject plus verb). Repetition of word or phrase, especially at the beginning of the sentences. Several short, related sentences in a row.
Ways to correct choppiness Vary sentence openings--use introductory clauses and phrases. Vary sentence structure--use a combination of simple, complex, and compound sentences. Vary word choice--avoid excessively using the same word or phrase in a paragraph.
Sample choppy paragraph: The voice of natives is silent. Americas government has oppressed these people too long. The education system in America is not honest with its students. The issues of Natives must be brought out to the public. Their reservation lands are shrinking, while alcoholism, poverty, and suicide rates are rising. Moreover, Americas image of natives is not accurate. Because schools are not teaching about the present day natives, there are people who think that natives live in teepees or wigwams or that they have chosen to assimilate to Americas lifestyle. The last generations of Natives have had enough. They see changes that must be made and strive to make a difference. They need America, especially the American government, to see them as humans that deserve the same rights that all other Americans have. Notice how the first several sentences here begin with the or their. The repetition of words and even sounds such as these can lead to a feeling of choppiness. In fact, 4 sentences in this paragraph begin with the and three begin with they. Another issue is that most of the sentences begin with a subject + verb pattern (The voice is...The education system in America is... They see...They need... and so on).
Corrected paragraph: Americas government has oppressed and silenced Native peoples for too long. Native reservation lands are shrinking, while alcoholism, poverty, and suicide rates are rising. Moreover, Americas image of Natives is not accurate. Because the education system in America is not honest with its students, and because schools are not teaching about present day Natives, there are people who still think that natives live in teepees or wigwams or have completely assimilated to Americas lifestyle. Recent generations of Natives have had enough and see changes that must be made and strive to make a difference. They need America, especially the American government, to see them as humans that deserve the same rights that all other Americans have. As you can see, the sentences in this paragraph are less choppy. While there are some that do still begin with a subject + verb, the sentences as a whole are more complex. Some also begin with an introductory clause or phrase or include a dependent clause in the middle. Several sentences have also been joined and rephrased in order to eliminate repetition
Corrected paragraph: Americas government has oppressed and silenced Native peoples for too long. Native reservation lands are shrinking, while alcoholism, poverty, and suicide rates are rising. Moreover, Americas image of Natives is not accurate. Because the education system in America is not honest with its students, and because schools are not teaching about present day Natives, there are people who still think that natives live in teepees or wigwams or have completely assimilated to Americas lifestyle. Recent generations of Natives have had enough and see changes that must be made and strive to make a difference. They need America, especially the American government, to see them as humans that deserve the same rights that all other Americans have. As you can see, the sentences in this paragraph are less choppy. While there are some that do still begin with a subject + verb, the sentences as a whole are more complex. Some also begin with an introductory clause or phrase or include a dependent clause in the middle. Several sentences have also been joined and rephrased in order to eliminate repetition

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Lesson #1 choppiness

  • 2. In short, choppy sentences read as if they have a ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum rhythm. Consider the following: I went to the store. My friend came with me. She bought shoes and a blouse. I didnt buy anything because I was broke. The cashier was rude. She clearly had a bad day. What is choppiness?
  • 3. Key causes of choppiness: Repetition of sentence pattern (beginning most, if not all, of the sentences with a subject plus verb). Repetition of word or phrase, especially at the beginning of the sentences. Several short, related sentences in a row.
  • 4. Ways to correct choppiness Vary sentence openings--use introductory clauses and phrases. Vary sentence structure--use a combination of simple, complex, and compound sentences. Vary word choice--avoid excessively using the same word or phrase in a paragraph.
  • 5. Sample choppy paragraph: The voice of natives is silent. Americas government has oppressed these people too long. The education system in America is not honest with its students. The issues of Natives must be brought out to the public. Their reservation lands are shrinking, while alcoholism, poverty, and suicide rates are rising. Moreover, Americas image of natives is not accurate. Because schools are not teaching about the present day natives, there are people who think that natives live in teepees or wigwams or that they have chosen to assimilate to Americas lifestyle. The last generations of Natives have had enough. They see changes that must be made and strive to make a difference. They need America, especially the American government, to see them as humans that deserve the same rights that all other Americans have. Notice how the first several sentences here begin with the or their. The repetition of words and even sounds such as these can lead to a feeling of choppiness. In fact, 4 sentences in this paragraph begin with the and three begin with they. Another issue is that most of the sentences begin with a subject + verb pattern (The voice is...The education system in America is... They see...They need... and so on).
  • 6. Corrected paragraph: Americas government has oppressed and silenced Native peoples for too long. Native reservation lands are shrinking, while alcoholism, poverty, and suicide rates are rising. Moreover, Americas image of Natives is not accurate. Because the education system in America is not honest with its students, and because schools are not teaching about present day Natives, there are people who still think that natives live in teepees or wigwams or have completely assimilated to Americas lifestyle. Recent generations of Natives have had enough and see changes that must be made and strive to make a difference. They need America, especially the American government, to see them as humans that deserve the same rights that all other Americans have. As you can see, the sentences in this paragraph are less choppy. While there are some that do still begin with a subject + verb, the sentences as a whole are more complex. Some also begin with an introductory clause or phrase or include a dependent clause in the middle. Several sentences have also been joined and rephrased in order to eliminate repetition
  • 7. Corrected paragraph: Americas government has oppressed and silenced Native peoples for too long. Native reservation lands are shrinking, while alcoholism, poverty, and suicide rates are rising. Moreover, Americas image of Natives is not accurate. Because the education system in America is not honest with its students, and because schools are not teaching about present day Natives, there are people who still think that natives live in teepees or wigwams or have completely assimilated to Americas lifestyle. Recent generations of Natives have had enough and see changes that must be made and strive to make a difference. They need America, especially the American government, to see them as humans that deserve the same rights that all other Americans have. As you can see, the sentences in this paragraph are less choppy. While there are some that do still begin with a subject + verb, the sentences as a whole are more complex. Some also begin with an introductory clause or phrase or include a dependent clause in the middle. Several sentences have also been joined and rephrased in order to eliminate repetition