Life of a freelancer
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A freelance IT consultant shares amusing transcripts from conversations with memorable clients. Some clients leave the consultant perplexed with strange requests, while others demonstrate a lack of understanding of basic technology concepts. Examples include a client wanting to make a website background clearer by seeing through the computer screen, changing their IP address by writing a new number, believing links contain viruses, and trying to use a non-touchscreen like a tablet. The consultant has to carefully explain technical issues to clients with little knowledge in a polite manner.
Life of a freelancer
- 1. Life of a Interesting Conversations with Clients
- 2. I sometimes moonlight as a freelance I.T consultant as do several of my friends and the following are transcripts of conversations with memorable clients. Some clients leave your jaw on the floor others just leave you with a blank stare while others make you wonder if its worth it.
- 3. Questions Client: Can I only view my website through the internet? ------------------------------------------------------------- Client: Why should we pay you for the website when you asked us for information to put on the site? ------------------------------------------------------------- Client: Can you make the white background whiter? ------------------------------------------------------------- Why should I pay you when you are a free lancer? ------------------------------------------------------------- Will the website be web based? ------------------------------------------------------------- Can we meet at home? thats where I keep my internet.
- 4. Clear Website Client: I want the background of my website to be clear Designer: No problem, do you want it to be white or maybe have a semi transparent image? Client: No I want to be able to see through my computer screen to the other side
- 5. IP addressing made simple Client: I dont know what's wrong but I cant access the internet, Ive tried everything even changing the IP address Immediately sensing this might be the problem I politely asked Me: How did you change the IP address? Client: I cancelled the number on the modem thingy and wrote another one there.
- 6. Links vs viruses During a phone conversation with a client to update him on the site that was being developed. Me: Ill send you a link to the development site so that you can see it and if you need anything changed you can communicate. Client: I dont like clicking on links they usually contain viruses can you send a pdf?
- 7. Customer is always right??? Client: This site you designed is rubbish the year planner wont accept the date I am putting in. Designer: Maybe its a format error, What date is that? Client: 31st November 2014 Designer: Uhmm That is not a valid date sir. Client: (sounding agitated) Dont tell me because its in the future ,I thought that was the whole idea behind a planner. Its an annual event and a very important one to me so if I cant put it on the planner then its useless. Designer: Sir November only has 30 days and always has. Client: Since when? You should have put a note on the side to avoid such situations
- 8. Keyboards An elderly man from church asked me to teach him basics of a computer as he had no clue I started from the beginning and explained the different components when I showed him the keyboard he got excited and interrupted me saying Client: Oh I think I will be very good at this computer stuff, I play the piano so I guess a keyboard will be easy.
- 9. Touch Screen or Tablet A man gets a new computer and has a freelancer set it up with software after the freelancer leaves he receives a phone call Client: my mouse is not working come back and sort it out Freelancer: (tries the mouse and it moves) Ok it seems fine Client: great, thanks for your help. As freelancer approaches the door. Client: Hey, come back its stopped again Freelancer: (tries it and its fine) It seems fine show me exactly how you were using it? Client: (sits and touches the pointer on the screen and frantically tries to drag it) See nothing happens. Freelancer: (Holding back serious laughter) Its not touch screen Client: thats disappointing, Is it even a tablet?
- 10. Set Apart A developer quoted a client $1500 for development and hosting of a site. Client: Son there is a lot of competition out there cant you do this for like $300? I know a lot of developers who will jump at a chance to make an easy $300. Developer: Sir I assure you my prices are very competitive but if you can find anything cheaper and trust their quality I suggest you go for it. Client: But so far I cant find anyone willing to do it for less than $1500. This is what will set you apart from the competition.
- 11. 404 Page not found A Client decided he would develop his own website but wanted my friend to host it for him and just provide general consultation. Client: I keep being taken to a 404 not found page when I click this link can you fix it? Developer: sure whats it supposed to link to? Client: Oh, I haven't created that page yet.
- 12. I need this by Thursday Client: I need this by Thursday Developer: No problem I can get it to you by Wednesday Client: No not Wednesday thats too late I need it by Thursday Developer: Yes and I meant I would get it to you earlier than Thursday Client: And I meant I need this by Thursday Developer: Ok then I will send it next Thursday Client: Why would you do that when I need it this Thursday Developer: Uh Sir today is Thursday Client: Exactly, which makes me wonder why you are wasting time arguing with me.
- 13. Question A couple days after configuring a server for a client and installing exchange server. Client: Hey my business mail isn't working in outlook today Me: Ok is it working when you open it through the browser? Client: I dont know, Our internet connection is down Me: Thats why then, you need internet for email Client: But outlook doesnt open with internet explorer.
- 14. Flash can kill In developing a site for a creative agency I decided to add flash and CSS drop down menus and this was the clients response. Client: This might be ok for teenagers but some of our clients are over 70 years this could shock them or give them a heart attack.
- 15. Dumb comments and Questions The phone number field should be mandatory unless the client doesnt have a phone ---------------------------------------------------------------- How will anyone know these are links? they dont light up when I hover my finger over them on my iPad. They are just underlined and blue ---------------------------------------------------------------- On the back Page it says presentation slides to be added, Is something going to be added there? -------------------------------------------------------------- Can you center the phone number field and change the font to caps? --------------------------------------------------------------- Can you put the text in black? I know the background is black but I just want to see how it will look. ---------------------------------------------------------------- When there is a power outage can you program my computer to show a message that it has lost power.
- 16. Search Thingy Client: I need a search thingy like Google can you handle that? Developer: Yes but it will take some time and it will cost you about XXXXX Client: What? Why should it cost so much and take time? Google is a 2 page site one for search and one for results how long can that take? Developer: Sir there is more to Google than that most of which goes on in the background Client: Ive lost faith in you I will find a more advanced developer