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Editor's Notes

• #2: Julie and Kevin - Introduce Ourselves Project Management Business Development Consulting Facilitation Mediation Training Counseling Professional Coaching Team Building Banking Construction Technology Pharmaceuticals Healthcare Government – state, federal, local   If large group - Introduce yourself to the person on your left and right - tell them one fun fact about yourself or highlight from past week. If small group – Name, Company, Position The worst thing you ever did as a teenager? What surprises you about your life right now? If you week were an amusement park ride, what would it be?
• #3: Kevin
• #4: Julie
• #5: Kevin Why are we here today? What do you want from this?
• #7: Kevin When you hear the word conflict, what positive and negative associations do you have with it? The way that we handle conflict determines whether the outcome will be negative or positive. In this way, conflict is like fire – it can be useful for cooking or for creating warmth, and at the same time, if it gets out of control it can also be harmful and burn you or cause a lot of damage. When we deal with conflict effectively, it is possible to see the positive aspects of it; we can learn a lot about ourselves and others from it, we can come up with creative ways to deal with problems, and we can even get closer to people through conflict. When we deal with conflict ineffectively, it can escalate quickly and lead to physical and/or emotional violence. (Possible positive outcomes include: we become better friends; we feel respected; everyone's ideas are understood; good solutions are possible.) Despite the pervasive tendency to see conflict as negative, mediators see conflict as an opportunity for growth and development. Even conflicts that are not successfully resolved, allow opportunities for people to move forward with better understanding.
• #8: Julie
• #9: Julie Conflicts are a fact of life on teams. They are no one’s fault. Concerns of different team members are incompatible. It occurs when two conditions are present (above). Interdependence – team members need to work together to satisfy their concerns. In Agile teams interdependencies we know of are coding side by side, test scripts and doing testing on code, your work is dependent upon someone else completing theirs. What other interdependencies are there? Differences exist when team members have varying responsibilities, values, temperament, sources of information or experience. With more differences, members bring more diverse concerns to team decision making, tendeing to create more conflict that needs to be reconciled. Although differences can create more conflict, they also provide an opportunity for richer understanding of issues. For that reason, orgs often build differences into decision making teams.
• #10: Kevin
• #11: Julie Very last thing we said on the bulleted list was different conflict styles. Five different conflict styles - important because they are all styles having different levels of cooperativeness and assertiveness. We all usually have one primary style, and may have secondary style. How many of you see on your team – this style, this style.
• #12: Julie What’s your style?
• #13: Julie Short blurb on team conflict styles
• #14: Kevin
• #15: Kevin & Julie - Positions, Interests and Needs Worksheets (20 min) Pass out worksheet and define with them Position, Interests and Needs Let’s apply to case we just observed - how would you tease them apart in the “Orange” exercise. They do the worksheet on their own and then we debrief as a group In order to help them with underlying needs (as they are often unseen), pass out handout from Marshall Rosenberg What someone actually means gets lost in assumption and emotion.  Mediation helps parties hear what they mean. Parties get focused on their ideal solution and work from there rather than focusing on their interest. what's your belief, need, fear, desire. What's really driving you? Focus on the why.  What are the realities and emotions that drove you to the position. I have an idea and that's how I'll drive this. Egos get associated with our proposal. People hear what they listen for and see what they look for. We look for the data for what reinforces where we think this should go and ignore information out there that challenges our own biases or perceptions. Confirmation bias Oversimplified example that is taught. You and I are headed to a kitchen. Same kitchen, same counter and fruit bowl. We both have the same idea in mind. You want an orange, I want an orange. We go to reach for the fruit bowl. - there's one orange.  What are we going to do?  Everyone gives one of two outcomes. You get it or I get it or we split in half. Those are the only two outcomes we're going to arrive upon if we only focus on our positions.  If we chatted about our whys -  You want to make mimosas - you need the Guts I want to make a pie - for the pie crust I need the Zest Now what - we both get more of what we came in for.  We're not ingrained in our positions. We talk about what's important.  We start to hear and understand each other.  We can collaborate on more creative durable solutions that we can buy into. Focus on mutual gain. Better outcomes, better relationships.  As you explore motivations behind it, a clearer picture emerges. Way more nuance than either side realizes. Examine their own motivations In a Dispute - Prepare - know your position (know your needs - know the difference between what you need and what you want) and why and anticipate what the other party will come in with Keep an open mind and truly listen Listen to understand rather than respond.  One of the biggest concessions you can make at the table that costs nothing is to listen. 
• #16: Kevin Positions, Interests and Needs Worksheets (20 min) Pass out worksheet and define with them Position, Interests and Needs Let’s apply to case we just observed - how would you tease them apart in the “Orange” exercise. They do the worksheet on their own and then we debrief as a group In order to help them with underlying needs (as they are often unseen), pass out handout from Marshall Rosenberg
• #17: Kevin & Julie - Positions, Interests and Needs Worksheets (20 min) Pass out worksheet and define with them Position, Interests and Needs Let’s apply to case we just observed - how would you tease them apart in the “Orange” exercise. They do the worksheet on their own and then we debrief as a group In order to help them with underlying needs (as they are often unseen), pass out handout from Marshall Rosenberg
• #19: Kevin & Julie – Discussion (5 min) How do you actually get to someone’s interests and needs? You can assume, but in reality, you really don’t know? Even if you think you do, you want to confirm with the other person through dialogue. What are the various options? (In orange exercise - one option was to cut it in half). What are the positions here? What are the interests and Needs of each party? What ideas do you have to resolve this situation?
• #20: Pass out Tip Sheet Ask participants – what other tips do you have for challenging conversations?
• #21: Questions? What are your takeaways? Anything that you would want more of or less of next time?
• #22: Questions? What are your takeaways? Anything that you would want more of or less of next time?