際際滷

際際滷Share a Scribd company logo

Not group therapy (1)

S
Spinu Constantin

The author has felt uncomfortable at some AA meetings where the focus has shifted from sobriety to free therapy sessions. At one meeting, a woman spent the entire time weeping and blaming her mother for her unhappiness, with no mention of the 12 steps. The author realized this meeting had become a therapy session rather than an AA meeting. The intrusion of therapy into meetings causes a loss of focus on recovery principles like honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, gratitude and acceptance. Rather than blame others, more time should be spent on applying the 12 steps to find solutions. Acceptance is the answer to problems, but people are not working the steps if they are still blaming others. Meetings should share experience,

1 of 1
Download to read offline
NOT GROUP THERAPY I have attended AA-meetings for 15 years, but in the past few years I卒ve left many meetings with an uncomfortable feeling. Why did I feel disturbed? What had happened? I unearthed the answer to those questions at a popular lunch meeting I had been urged to attend. A woman at this standing-room-only meeting began to talk about her mother and the damage her mother had caused in her life. She wept and damned her mother and blamed her for all of her unhappiness. There was no talk of sobriety. No hint of gratitude. No reference to working the Steps. Then this woman left the meeting early. I wanted to stop her and bring her back and tell her to listen. She just might 鍖nd the answer to her problems. At that moment, I realized with disturbing clarity that that was group therapy, not an AA-meeting. What I had just been part of was what I believe to be the subtle sabotage of the AA-program. This woman was just one of many people who are misguidedly using meetings to dump her feelings and resentments in the name of sharing. My intention is not to minimize anyones grief. I speak as one who grew up in an extremely abusive alcoholic family, as a man who is a Vietnam Vet, a survivor of divorce and other traumatic losses. I have attended therapy at various times and found it quite useful. However, I don卒t confuse therapy with AA卒s Twelve Steps and am disturbed as I see people increasingly using AA-meetings for free therapy, in order to get in touch with their feelings. My own primary purpose at a meeting is to better learn to apply the AA Twelve Step philosophy to the problems of daily life. This intrusion of therapy talk in meeting causes a loss of focus on what this Program is all about. The basic principles of recovery, honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness are being replaced with self-absorption, attention-getting, and getting in touch with feelings. Instead of enlisting the principles of gratitude and acceptance, many are focusing on blame in the name of sharing feelings. The Big Book states, acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today. That simple principle, acceptance, is what we are neglecting when we allow meeting to become therapy. I hear people who卒ve been around the program for over a year still working on a problem and then blaming their unhappiness on this still unresolved problem. People are blaming everything that卒s not going right in their lives on their exspouses, lousy parents, the Government, or their bosses. Less time needs to be spent on complaining about the problem and more time needs to be focussed on solutions. The solutions live in the application of the Twelve Steps. Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today. As long as people are blaming, they卒re not working the Twelve Steps. And as long as they卒re not working the Twelve Steps, they will continue to use meetings as therapy, they will continue to dilute the higher purpose of this Program, which is to share our experience, strength, and hope. Let卒s work the Steps and keep the therapy talk out. We know how it works. Craig R. Carnation, Washington, U.S.A.

More Related Content

Not group therapy (1)

  • 1. NOT GROUP THERAPY I have attended AA-meetings for 15 years, but in the past few years I卒ve left many meetings with an uncomfortable feeling. Why did I feel disturbed? What had happened? I unearthed the answer to those questions at a popular lunch meeting I had been urged to attend. A woman at this standing-room-only meeting began to talk about her mother and the damage her mother had caused in her life. She wept and damned her mother and blamed her for all of her unhappiness. There was no talk of sobriety. No hint of gratitude. No reference to working the Steps. Then this woman left the meeting early. I wanted to stop her and bring her back and tell her to listen. She just might 鍖nd the answer to her problems. At that moment, I realized with disturbing clarity that that was group therapy, not an AA-meeting. What I had just been part of was what I believe to be the subtle sabotage of the AA-program. This woman was just one of many people who are misguidedly using meetings to dump her feelings and resentments in the name of sharing. My intention is not to minimize anyones grief. I speak as one who grew up in an extremely abusive alcoholic family, as a man who is a Vietnam Vet, a survivor of divorce and other traumatic losses. I have attended therapy at various times and found it quite useful. However, I don卒t confuse therapy with AA卒s Twelve Steps and am disturbed as I see people increasingly using AA-meetings for free therapy, in order to get in touch with their feelings. My own primary purpose at a meeting is to better learn to apply the AA Twelve Step philosophy to the problems of daily life. This intrusion of therapy talk in meeting causes a loss of focus on what this Program is all about. The basic principles of recovery, honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness are being replaced with self-absorption, attention-getting, and getting in touch with feelings. Instead of enlisting the principles of gratitude and acceptance, many are focusing on blame in the name of sharing feelings. The Big Book states, acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today. That simple principle, acceptance, is what we are neglecting when we allow meeting to become therapy. I hear people who卒ve been around the program for over a year still working on a problem and then blaming their unhappiness on this still unresolved problem. People are blaming everything that卒s not going right in their lives on their exspouses, lousy parents, the Government, or their bosses. Less time needs to be spent on complaining about the problem and more time needs to be focussed on solutions. The solutions live in the application of the Twelve Steps. Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today. As long as people are blaming, they卒re not working the Twelve Steps. And as long as they卒re not working the Twelve Steps, they will continue to use meetings as therapy, they will continue to dilute the higher purpose of this Program, which is to share our experience, strength, and hope. Let卒s work the Steps and keep the therapy talk out. We know how it works. Craig R. Carnation, Washington, U.S.A.