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is a complex process—an
integral part of the total
communication process, albeit
a part often ignored. This
neglect results largely from two
factors.
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1. Speaking and
Writing
 (The sending parts of the
communication process) are highly
visible, and are more easily assessed
than listening and reading (the
receiving parts).
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2. Many of us aren’t willing to
improve our listening skills.
 Much of this unwillingness results
from our incomplete understanding
of the process—and understanding
the process could help show us how
to improve.
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Through the years, numerous
definitions of listening have been
proposed. Perhaps the most
useful one defines listening as the
process of receiving, attending,
and understanding auditory
messages; that is, messages
transmitted through the medium
of sound.
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The first stage in the process of
listening is receiving the message. At
this stage you listen not only to what
is said (verbally and nonverbally) but
also to what is omitted.
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The second stage of listening is
understanding the message. That is,
after receiving the message, you
process it; you extract the meaning
from the message. You can improve
your listening understanding in a
variety of ways.
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1. Avoid assuming you understand what
the speaker is going to say before he or
she actually says it.
2. See the speaker’s messages from the
speaker’s point of view.
3. Ask questions for clarification, if
necessary; ask for additional details or
examples if they’re needed.
4. Rephrase (paraphrase) the speaker’s
ideas into your own words.
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 The third stage of listening is remembering the
message. It would help little if you received
and understood the message but didn’t
remember it. If you want to remember what
someone says or the names of various
people, this information needs to pass from
your short-term memory (the memory you use,
say, to remember a phone number just long
enough to write it down) into long-term
memory (or relatively permanent memory).
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Once you’ve received, understood,
and have the message in memory,
you need to evaluate it. After all, not
all messages are equal—some are
lies, some are truths; some are
significant, some are trivial; some are
constructive, some are destructive. In
evaluating messages consider these
suggestions.
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1. Resist evaluation until you fully
understand the speaker’s point of view.
2. Distinguish facts from opinions and
personal interpretations by the
speaker.
3. Identify any biases, self-interests, or
prejudices that may lead the speaker
to slant unfairly what is said.
4. Recognize fallacious forms of
“reasoning” speakers may use.
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After you evaluate the
message, you’re likely to
respond in some way. And, of
course, a speaker expects a
response.
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1. Support the speaker throughout the
speaker’s conversation by using
(and varying) listening cues, such
as head nods and minimal
responses such as “I see” or “mm-
hmm.” Using the “like” icon, poking
back, reposting, and commenting
on another’s photos or posts will
also prove supportive.
2. Own your responses.
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3. Resist “responding to another’s
feelings” with “solving the person’s
problems” (as men are often accused
of doing) unless, of course, you’re
asked for advice.
4. Focus on the other person. Avoid
multitasking when you’re listening.
5. Avoid being a thought-completing
listener who listens a little and then
finishes the speaker’s thought.
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Listening is Not the Same as
Hearing
Hearing refers to the sounds that
you hear, whereas listening requires
more than that: it requires
focus. Listening means paying
attention not only to the story, but
how it is told, the use of language
and voice, and how the other
person uses his or her body.
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In other words, it means being
aware of both verbal and non-
verbal messages. Your ability
to listen effectively depends
on the degree to which you
perceive and understand
these messages.
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The listening process

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The listening process