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Camp Sol: Healing the Family Heart The 14th Annual National Alliance for Grieving Children Symposium June 25, 2010

“ I've been struggling with religion, I try to go to church, but I feel nothing. I bow my head in prayer like the rest of the congregation, but I don't feel a thing”

“ Whether your family was prepared for the death or not, the unthinkable has happened…your beautiful, precious child is dead”

“ I’m in the middle of a hurricane, in a tiny life raft. My raft’s leaking badly; some days I’m sure it will go down”

“ I can’t imagine my life without my brother - my whole life has changed. I have never known such sadness. When I look around, everyone in my family is sad too. It’s not fair. Why did he have to die? Why?”

“ We sit at dinner, and it’s like we’re lost in this fog; nobody hears, and nobody can touch each other”

“ I kept searching for something. I wasn’t sure what it was. All of a sudden one day in the kitchen, I spontaneously got out my kitchen scales and started weighing fruits and vegetables. I realized I was trying to find something that had the identical weight that the baby did”

What Do The Statements We Have Heard Have in Common? The people who made these statements are all bereaved as individuals These families are all bereaved as units Bereaved families may often benefit from grief services provided to them as integral family units (Arnold & Gemma, 1994) The grief needs of family members differ based on age, role, and gender

Grief-Related Behaviors for Children Crying Anxiety Headaches Stomach aches Denial Regression Anger at the deceased Poor grades Lack of attention Isolation Acting out Suicidal ideation

Parent’s Response to Death Mothers and fathers do not experience grief in the same way Following the death, grieving parents seem to grieve together Later, they move at different rates and have different feelings Grief is intensely personal and directed inward Reaching outside this inner world to help each other is difficult

Mother’s Grief Women tend to show their feelings by talking about them A mother may begin to bond with her baby as soon as she thinks she is pregnant This bond is powerful and deep She will feel the loss of her child forever

Father’s Grief There is a cultural expectation that men must be strong, so a deeply-felt loss might not show Men seem to move through grief faster than women by going back to work/business of life However, as a man accepts the differences in the way he experiences his grief versus his partner and if he is able to offer his partner time, understanding and a listening ear, he has given a gift that will never be forgotten

Family’s Response to Death The family unit is fractured Deceased child may become immortalized The family is stagnated, unable to engage in normal routines Inability to communicate Family members may protect each other from their sadness Grief is personal

Family’s Response to Death Support Services Disconnected Family Unbalanced family unit Parent(s) Surviving Children

Camp Sol, Inc. is: A group of bereaved parents, medical, and mental health professionals We utilize the real life knowledge of family members who have experienced the death of a child, with support from medical and psychosocial professionals and volunteers

Camp Sol, Inc. Mission To assist in healing the family heart through a supportive, warm environment where grieving families share experiences and participate in a variety of nurturing activities specifically designed for families, adults and children

What Makes Camp Sol, Inc. Unique? Specific to child death Support provided for: Individual grief processing Family grief processing Collaborative counseling techniques: Expressive arts Verbal processing Music therapy Camp Ongoing services provided with no termination deadline Provide bilingual services

Who We Serve - We provide services for bereaved families who still have children 18 and younger in the home Services are provided at no cost, and are available to families, regardless of geographical region

The First Camp Sol, Inc. Gathering Initial planning started in 1999 to meet the identified and unmet needs of families whose children had died at Children’s Medical Center in Dallas First camp- March 2000- 8 families and volunteer counseling staff from Children’s Medical Center went to Camp John Marc in Meridian, Texas

Evolution of Camp Sol, Inc. Incorporated Dec. 2000 as a 501(c) (3) Funded by grants, donations, and fund raising Governed by a volunteer Board of Directors Added annual “Back to School” Gathering 2001 Added “Holidays Gathering” 2001 Added 2nd retreat in 2007 Added monthly support group meetings in 2008

Music Therapy at Camp Sol, Inc. Music therapy is the clinical and evidenced-based use of music interventions to accomplish individualized goals within a therapeutic relationship by a credentialed professional.

Back to School Gathering Held in August each year Goal: To facilitate and support families as they transition back to school Consists of family activity, educational component for adults, and developmentally appropriate process groups for all ages, including music therapy

Holiday Gathering Held in November or December each year Goal: To assist families in coping with the holidays Consists of holiday lunch, family activity, processing groups including music therapy, memorial service

Camp John Marc Staff Organize “camp” activities throughout the weekend, while Camp Sol, Inc. staff provide the therapeutic programming Camp John Marc staff representative contributed to programming meetings as invited

Friday – Day 1 Families begin to arrive Rotating family activities: name tags,family flags, cookies, smoothies Getting to know one another/puzzle pieces for banner Camp Fire & S’mores

Saturday Day 2 Breakfast (sign up for camp activities) Parent breakout groups and children’s/teen groups Camp Activities Lunch and family break Parents groups, Mom/Dad breakouts; children’s/teen groups; camp activities

Saturday Day 2 Continued Family activities (including quilt squares) plus ropes course, etc Kid’s Dinner Parent’s dinner Family Carnival & DJ Teen movie night

Sunday Day 3 Parent Meeting: Children’s facilitators talk with parents and share about what/why experiences were offered; Creation of signs to line pathway Remembrance Service in Chapel Lunch/evaluations

Remembrance Service Non-denominational Goal to honor and remember the children Families write thoughts/memories of child Each child honored with a flower placed on a wreath by their family when names were read with dates of birth and death and child’s age at death

The memory goes on, remember me when I am gone When you’re sad & alone, think of all the fun times Even though I’m gone, you will live on ‘ Cause I know we’ll meet again here in Heaven You can call my name, I’ll be watching over you No matter how hard it gets, something’s better here for you Even though I’m gone, you will live on ‘ Cause I know we’ll meet again here in Heaven

The Memories Will be Lasting “ We were so blessed to be able to attend Camp John Marc for a second year. We just wanted to thank you for all you’ve done for us. It really is such a touching, therapeutic and fun experience for all three of us. The memories will be lasting. We’re grateful for all your time, energy and work you put into the weekend. We don’t take it for granted. God Bless you all!” - a bereaved parent

Family’s New Response to Death Camp Sol, Inc. Balanced Family Functioning as a balanced family unit Parent(s) Child

A Ray of Hope “ We will all experience changes in our lives, many bring devastating losses along with them. Navigating grief loss and change can be done haphazardly or can be done with awareness, intention and willingness to transform oneself into a kinder, more loving and compassionate human being. As a result of this healing of self, there is a corresponding healing of the planet.” - a bereaved parent

Lesley Lingnell, MS, MEd, LPC, RPT Children’s Medical Center-Dallas Camp Sol, Inc. 214-456-8115 [email_address]

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