際際滷

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Business AnalystS
             Survival Guide to
              the Middle East

Based on my experience of having worked in Dubai from
2008-09 as individual consultant.

My fun take on some of the nuances of work culture and mindset of people
working there.


                                        From the nearly extinct.*^%$ Panda
Golden Rule 1: Camouflage and in this case suit up Barney Stinson of HIMYM has the
          copyrights. Looks are deceptive but out here it counts.

 The only way you can get the Business Users to take you seriously.
Yea..Yea..I know U are Young..Ruthless..Innovative..blah..blah..
       But take my words..Its not the Jungle you know..
        Dont be in a hurry to show off your true colors.
Being




                                                                 Pays..




The only place on earth where saying How do I know is second skin. So
here is the secret to survival..
  Every time you hear this..Breathe In and Out..slowly..count 10 and then
                               open your mouth..
Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely
   mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the
   director of the opponent's fate.
   - Sun Tzu




             Golden Rule 2: Sensei Sun Tzu said it all..
Practice Practice Practice.. Till you perfect this look So Mr. BA par
        excellence..dont forget the Puss in the boots in you..
Golden Rule 3: BA Gyaan passed on from last of celestial beings..
**Some say its copied right out of the BAVedas and others say it was carved on broken part of the nose of the Sphinx..Once lost but
                                                         revealed again
You would wish you had this poster on your forehead while meeting
      your stakeholders




All forms of Amnesia is rampant out hereespecially selective amnesia..
       The only weapon you have is your only trusted friend MOM..
     Golden Rule 4: Shoot off MOMs immediately and get agreement
Out here..ProjectsLifePlanetsthey all love the circular
       paths




Golden Rule 5: The are no straight lines in nature or life..or PROJECTS
Dont be disheartened when you have to revisit all that you have done and
                           start over again
Copyrights with Leo and Mozart
  http://www.artbusiness.com/signart.html




                 Whats a piece of art without a signature !!!
       Golden Rule 6: Every document you create here is a piece of art..
                        Print..Bind..and get it signed.
Each time you go to someone and ask him to sign it, it will sound like Will you please put your neck in the noose
                  for me ?? but just ignore those sounds..devil loves to play with a BAs brain
The Ricky Gervais Way




     Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around.
     You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to
     read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk
     past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at
     unearthly hours and during public holidays
     Copyrights with Ricky http://tombammann.org/office-skills




Golden Rule 7: The Show-Man rule. The spot-lights never go off from you
A wise Client out here once asked, Mr. BA, which is the only correct
         way of decision making?
         o Consensus
         o Majority Rule
         o Minority Rule
         o Averaging
         o Expert
         o Authority Rule without discussion
         o Authority Rule with discussion




Golden Rule 9: Always remember. This jungle believes in the Wisdom of
                           the crowds.
But always keep this picture in your mind..no matter what you hear from
                                any one..
Frustratingly Annoying Questions??




 Who is going to drive it??
Beware territories are clearly maked. You risk the wrath of other BAs if you overdeliver

 Is this the approved template??
Even if they do not make sense, follow it

 Is this approved??
Once approved, the document becomes sacrosanct

 Does X approve of it??
Its a political powerkeg. Personalities run the show. So tread carefully and avoid sparks..




Frame your answers for these questions..you will face these too often
And finally


The BA Anthem..
If you can Visualize
Requirements when all about
you,
Are simply vague and looking up
to you,
If you can dig out MOMs when
all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their
doubting too;

And yet don't look too good,
nor talk too wise:
If you can innovate - and not
make guidelines your master,      If you can talk with End-
If you can Analyze - and not      Users and keep your vision,
make analysis your aim;           Or walk with Sponsors -
If you can meet with Deadlines    nor lose the gory details,
and Perfection                    If neither Off-shores nor
And treat those two imposters     Geos can hurt you,
just the same;                    If all men count with you,
.                               but none too much;
If you can bear to hear the       If you can fill the
requirements you've recorded,     unforgiving minute
Surviving is not enough..
  More on this latter..

Hope you had a good time
      reading this..


 Criticisms welcome 
 Sarbashrestha Panda
     sarbashrestha@gmail.com
Ad

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A Business Analyst's guide to survival in the Middle East

  • 1. Business AnalystS Survival Guide to the Middle East Based on my experience of having worked in Dubai from 2008-09 as individual consultant. My fun take on some of the nuances of work culture and mindset of people working there. From the nearly extinct.*^%$ Panda
  • 2. Golden Rule 1: Camouflage and in this case suit up Barney Stinson of HIMYM has the copyrights. Looks are deceptive but out here it counts. The only way you can get the Business Users to take you seriously.
  • 3. Yea..Yea..I know U are Young..Ruthless..Innovative..blah..blah.. But take my words..Its not the Jungle you know.. Dont be in a hurry to show off your true colors.
  • 4. Being Pays.. The only place on earth where saying How do I know is second skin. So here is the secret to survival.. Every time you hear this..Breathe In and Out..slowly..count 10 and then open your mouth..
  • 5. Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate. - Sun Tzu Golden Rule 2: Sensei Sun Tzu said it all.. Practice Practice Practice.. Till you perfect this look So Mr. BA par excellence..dont forget the Puss in the boots in you..
  • 6. Golden Rule 3: BA Gyaan passed on from last of celestial beings.. **Some say its copied right out of the BAVedas and others say it was carved on broken part of the nose of the Sphinx..Once lost but revealed again
  • 7. You would wish you had this poster on your forehead while meeting your stakeholders All forms of Amnesia is rampant out hereespecially selective amnesia.. The only weapon you have is your only trusted friend MOM.. Golden Rule 4: Shoot off MOMs immediately and get agreement
  • 8. Out here..ProjectsLifePlanetsthey all love the circular paths Golden Rule 5: The are no straight lines in nature or life..or PROJECTS Dont be disheartened when you have to revisit all that you have done and start over again
  • 9. Copyrights with Leo and Mozart http://www.artbusiness.com/signart.html Whats a piece of art without a signature !!! Golden Rule 6: Every document you create here is a piece of art.. Print..Bind..and get it signed. Each time you go to someone and ask him to sign it, it will sound like Will you please put your neck in the noose for me ?? but just ignore those sounds..devil loves to play with a BAs brain
  • 10. The Ricky Gervais Way Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours and during public holidays Copyrights with Ricky http://tombammann.org/office-skills Golden Rule 7: The Show-Man rule. The spot-lights never go off from you
  • 11. A wise Client out here once asked, Mr. BA, which is the only correct way of decision making? o Consensus o Majority Rule o Minority Rule o Averaging o Expert o Authority Rule without discussion o Authority Rule with discussion Golden Rule 9: Always remember. This jungle believes in the Wisdom of the crowds.
  • 12. But always keep this picture in your mind..no matter what you hear from any one..
  • 13. Frustratingly Annoying Questions?? Who is going to drive it?? Beware territories are clearly maked. You risk the wrath of other BAs if you overdeliver Is this the approved template?? Even if they do not make sense, follow it Is this approved?? Once approved, the document becomes sacrosanct Does X approve of it?? Its a political powerkeg. Personalities run the show. So tread carefully and avoid sparks.. Frame your answers for these questions..you will face these too often
  • 14. And finally The BA Anthem..
  • 15. If you can Visualize Requirements when all about you, Are simply vague and looking up to you, If you can dig out MOMs when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can innovate - and not make guidelines your master, If you can talk with End- If you can Analyze - and not Users and keep your vision, make analysis your aim; Or walk with Sponsors - If you can meet with Deadlines nor lose the gory details, and Perfection If neither Off-shores nor And treat those two imposters Geos can hurt you, just the same; If all men count with you, . but none too much; If you can bear to hear the If you can fill the requirements you've recorded, unforgiving minute
  • 16. Surviving is not enough.. More on this latter.. Hope you had a good time reading this.. Criticisms welcome Sarbashrestha Panda sarbashrestha@gmail.com