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A father-to-son rehearsal dinner speech
- 1. This was written for a friend, Bob Childs, who spoke at his son's rehearsal dinner. One behalf of the Childs and Seewann families, I would like to offer a toast to everyone here for sharing your time and making a commitment to join us this weekend for Ryan and Julies wedding. I ask that you bear with me through this presentation as I may need to depend on notes. Also, please hold your questions and comments. There will be plenty of time for Q&A. When I began to consider what I would say to you this evening, I was stuck to 鍖nd the right words to describe Ryan. He truly has been more than a son. Hes been a tried and true best friend. And when I look at his life, our lives and who hes become, I am taken aback in more ways than I can possible tell you. One of my fondest memories was when we where with his scout troop climbing Mount Manadnock in New Hampshire. He was timid little boy and, as we climbed, I had to guide him and encourage him to keep going. I often told Ryan where to put his feet and hands so that we could keep moving. As his life progressed, it seems as if Ryan kept 鍖nding and reaching for new mountains to climb. I can recall the time Ryan decided to take karate lessons when he was 10 and I decided to join him. I soon realized that if I wanted to see the age of 50, better yet, if the instructor wanted to see 50, then I should bow out. At one point, after some quick moves, I found myself strangling the 1
- 2. instructor. After that, I told Ryan I think Ill keep out of the dojo and stick to real estate. Ryan, on the other hand, kept at it. Now, at some point, a karate student reaches a fork in the road by choosing a practice to study. One is more about maintaining forms, much like in yoga. The other option is sparring. Ryan did both. And the amazing part is he excelled in each winning tournaments for many years. In addition, his instructor asked Ryan to assist him. So at the young age of 14, Ryan worked with 30 and 40 year olds as an instructor. And the irony of the story is that Ryan couldnt get his black belt until he was 16. Two day after his birthday, mission accomplished. Although he had a great karate chop, academia was not his strong suit. So, during his senior year of high school, Ryan decided it was best to do a post- graduate year at a private school. As we traveled to different places, we visited Phillips Andover - a well known institution around the world. Notable names that attended are Humphrey Bogart, George Bush and Friday Night Lights author H.G. Buzz Bizzinger. Yet, after the visit, Ryan looked at me and said, You know Dad, I dont think this is the place for me. It will be too much like high school. And with that, he chose Deer鍖eld Academy, which has been around for over 200 years. When Ryan went to school, he left a boy and came home a man. It was a 2
- 3. transformation unlike I had ever seen in anyone. It created a new dynamic to our relationship, and fueled an already vibrant ambition in him, the likes that boosted my own sense of pride ten-fold. This singular experience seemed to set the stage for the rest of his life. He was someone looking for even more rigorous and jagged peaks to climb. Yet, make no mistake. Ryan was not a perfect child. l recall a time when he and his friend, Bronson, proceeded to light 鍖reworks in Ryan's bedroom. In case you have a penchant to try such stunts, let me tell you this is full of risk, danger and stupidity. Although I dont recall punishing Ryan for his antics; we werent so quick to throw away his carpet. It became a prompt reminder that 鍖ring Roman candles at anything indoors is not sound 鍖re prevention. On a side note, Bronson could not be with us this weekend as he had a scheduling con鍖ict. Please see more about him in your Play Book. The 鍖nal story I will tell is from after Ryans graduation. For his gift, Ryan had the option of a motorcycle or traveling with his friends. To my surprise, he opted to go somewhere with me. Seeing that Ryan is an anthoropology major, he originally wanted to climb Machupichu in Peru. After doing his research, I quickly said NO. I learned that we were climbing ten to twelve thousand foot peaks while carrying seventy-鍖ve pound packs. For sure, this was going to be a death trip for dear 3
- 4. ole dad. We ended up in Alberta, Canada. Its a wonderful place 鍖lled with crisp air, great mountainous scenery and elk that attack. We went during the elks rutting season. At one point, we found ourselves a little to close to a bull. We saw him in his mating ritual of swinging his antlers and urinating frequently. We decided to get the hell out of there before we were mistaken for one of his breeding harem. Needless to say, what I was excited about was doing something manly with my son while I prayed the climbing would be quick. I said to myself, "Okay, well climb this mountain range and live in tents. Then, its back to Calgary and a 鍖ve star hotel." When we climbed the mountain together, I felt so proud, and in a way sad. This time, it was me being timid and Ryan telling me where to put my feet and helping to carry the load on my pack. In a moment of clarity, I saw my role in Ryans life changing. The natural progression of him moving forward on his own, climbing his peaks continues with his marriage to Julie. With Ryans ambition and Julies passion for helping others, I know you will have the life you create together. Julie, you have endeared yourself to our family and friends, and now that youre living on the east coast, I am looking forward to sharing many more times with you. 4
- 5. When thinking back on my life with Ryan, there are too many stories to tell here. I could tell you about our stargazing, another bull running at us at our local ball 鍖eld, our football times, lacrosse games, kayaking in Idaho, horseback riding and, of course, our trip to the summer Olympics in Atlanta. So before I take a back seat, here are some life-long lessons I learned: First, when life is frantic, stop and be a guest in your own life. Step outside of yourself and observe the reality of your world. See the relationships, particularly with Julie, and notice how you're living, communicating, behaving, cooking, dressing, working, committing and responding. Its so important. It will help you stay grounded, friendly, cooperative and consoling. It will help you measure your performance as a man and make changes so that you can have the family and individual life you want. On top of that, check-in with Julie every day. Simply ask, Are you okay, and she should do the same. All of this will reinforce a bond that only you two share. It's a moment when you can put down life's pressures and facades and be completely vulnerable. Remember, this is what brought you together. Most important, never go to bed angry, clear the air, get it out, understand one anothers position and come to an agreement that you both can be happy with. Youll hit the sack with a smile on your face, relaxed and even more loving to one another than before. As you both know, we took your dog, Cooper, into our home and he quickly 5
- 6. earned the name, Pooper, because he chose to do his business in my closet. As you go off on your honeymoon, be at ease that Pooper will be well taken care of. We have the toys ready, the dog dish 鍖lled and the territory pre- marked. So let us raise our glass and have a proper send off to Ryan and Julie. From the Childs family, congratulations to both of you, we love you and wish you the very best. Oh, and by the way Ryan, during your matrimonial mountain climb, the instructions will come from Julie and they won't be "put your foot here and your hand here". If I were you, I'd get use to it. 6