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Gifts of Imperfection
• Shame
• Tips
• quotes
• Love – self love
• courage, Compassion ,connection
• authentic
• Hope
• share
• Final thought

Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process
is the bravest thing that we will ever do.
Humans are a meaning-making species. And, for better or
worse, my mind is actually fine-tuned to do this.
How much we know and understand ourselves is critically
important, but there is something that is even more essential
to living a Wholehearted life: loving ourselves
Loving yourself

The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe
to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace
who you are.
I was setting new boundaries and began to let go of my need to
please, perform, and perfect. I started saying no rather than sure
(and being resentful and pissed off later). I began to say “Oh, hell
yes!”
We never really arrive, but we certainly know that we’re heading in
the right direction.
Accepting and saying no

1. “If you need to refuel and losing yourself online is fun and relaxing, then do
it. If not, do something deliberately relaxing. Find something inspiring to do
rather than something soul-sucking.
2. We can talk about courage and love and compassion until we sound like a
greeting card store, but unless we’re willing to have an honest conversation
about what gets in the way of putting these into practice in our daily lives,
we will never change.
3. You learn courage by couraging.”
4. If we share our shame story with the wrong person, they can easily become
one more piece of flying debris in an already dangerous storm
5. The key is to separate people from their behaviors—to address what
they’re doing, not who they are
6. music reaches out and offers us connection—something we really can’t live
without, Sing like no one is listening.
7. Dance like no one is watching
8. “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go
do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
9. I’m never more open and emotionally clutter-free than when I’m walking
alone outside. It’s not technically still, but it’s an emotional opening for me.
tips

 Only when we are brave enough to explore the
darkness will we discover the infinite power of our
light.
 We just have to find the courage to live and love with
our whole hearts.
 when we act compassionately toward ourselves and
others, and we feel connected in our lives when we
reach out and connect.
answers to all of these questions
are courage, compassion, and
connection

 Practice courage and reach out!
 We have to own our story and share it with someone
who has earned the right to hear it, someone whom
 we can count on to respond with compassion.
 We need courage, compassion, and connection.
 Courage originally meant “To speak one’s mind by
telling all one’s heart.”
 Every time we choose courage, we make everyone
around us a little better and the world a little braver
courage

 To recognize shame,physical symptoms of shame—I’m struggling
with shame when that warm wash of inadequacy comes over me,
my heart races, my face feels hot, my mouth gets dry, my armpits
tingle, and time slows down.
 >>> Shame loves secrecy. The most dangerous thing to do after a
shaming experience is hide or bury our story
 The only people who don’t experience shame lack the capacity for
empathy and human connection.
 Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing
that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and
belonging.
 Shame is basically the fear of being unlovable—it’s the total
opposite of owning our story and feeling worthy
 Shame is about who we are, and guilt is about our behaviors.
shame
shame guilt
Kills us
Not good
make amends to others, or
change a behavior that we don’t
feel good about, guilt is most
often the motivator.

Name
it
Talk
about it
Own
your
story
Tell the
story
practice
Four element of shame resilience
Resilience is often a slow unfolding of understanding.

Don’t share shame
2...looks someone
to blame
6,,..the one who
present his or her
experience means that
person shares only of
his not good listener
5...comforts u by ur
perfect that one
3,,sympathy (i
feel sry for u)
1.. judging u
4... who wants u to
be pillar , means
wants u to be
perfect

 When we’re looking for compassion, it’s about connecting
with the right person at the right time about the right issue
 She didn’t try to fix me or make me feel better; she just
listened and had the courage to share some of her own
vulnerabilities with me.>>>>emphaty { I have been there }
 Only when we know our own darkness well can we be
present with the darkness of others..
 “Here’s my story. You’re not alone.”
Share with following

 I felt totally exposed and completely loved and accepted at
the same time (which is the definition of compassion for
me)
 Compassion practice is daring. It involves learning to relax
and allow ourselves to move gently toward what scares us.
 One of the greatest (and least discussed) barriers to
compassion practice is the fear of setting boundaries
 The better we are at accepting ourselves and others, the
more compassionate we become.
 Compassionate people are boundaried people.
compassion

 it’s difficult to accept people when they are hurting us or
taking advantage of us or walking all over us.
 we can be compassionate and accepting while we hold
people accountable for their behaviors. We can, and, in
fact, it’s the best way to do it.
 We can confront someone about their behavior, or fire
someone, or fail a student, or discipline a child without
berating them or putting them down.
 The key is to separate people from their behaviors—to
address what they’re doing, not who they are
boundaries

 nothing is as important as human connection
 shame and fear can’t tolerate that kind of powerful connection
surging between people.
 As a matter of fact, we are wired for connection. It’s in our biology
 Our innate need for connection makes the consequences of
disconnection that much more real and dangerous
 Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving
with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we
knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help...>>>>
 If connection is the energy that surges between people, we have to
remember that those surges must travel in both directions
connection

 The Wholehearted journey is not the path of least
resistance. It’s a path of consciousness and choice.
And, to be honest, it’s a little counterculture. The
willingness to tell our stories, feel the pain of others,
and stay genuinely connected
 If we want to fully experience love and belonging,
we must believe that we are worthy of love and
belonging. Worthy now. Not if. Not when Right this
minute. As is.
Whole heartedness journey

 When emotions or experiences are so tightly woven
together in people’s stories that they don’t speak of one
without the other, it’s not an accidental
 A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need
of all women, men, and children.
 Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of
something larger than us.
 . Because true belonging only happens when we present
our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of
belonging can never be greater than our level of self-
acceptance.
Love belongs with belonging

 Practicing self-love means learning how to trust ourselves,
to treat ourselves with respect, and to be kind and
affectionate toward ourselves.
 I know I can talk to myself in ways that I would never
consider talking to another person.
 it’s no wonder that we spend our lives trying to fit in and
gain approval
 . We can only belong when we offer our most authentic
selves and when we’re embraced for who we are.
 the depths of who we are, light/shadow, good/evil,
loving/destructive, and figure out our own stuff in order to
love them better.
Love >>first step is self love

 “What will people think?”
 “You can’t really love yourself yet. You’re not ________________
enough.” (pretty, skinny, successful, rich, talented, happy,
smart, feminine, masculine, productive, nice, strong, tough,
caring,
 popular, creative, well-liked, admired, contributing)
 “No one can find out about _____________.”
 “I’m going to pretend that everything is okay.”
 “I can change to fit in if I have to!”
 “Who do you think you are to put your thoughts/art/ideas/
beliefs/writing out in the world?”
 “Taking care of them is more important than taking care of me.”
Analyse yourself.. Do you love
yourself ??

•trust
•Respect
•kindness
Love
increases
•betryal
•Shame
•Disrespect
•the withholding of affection damage the roots from
which love grows.
Love
decrease

 You must first be who you really are, then do what you
really need to do, in order to have what you want
 authenticity is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a
practice—a conscious choice of how we want to live.
 Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make
every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real.
The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves
be seen
 Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-
searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and
gratitude into our lives
Authencity

1. Don’t make people feel uncomfortable but be honest.
2. Don’t upset anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings but say
what’s on your mind.
3. Sound informed and educated but not like a know-it-all.
4. Don’t say anything unpopular or controversial but have
the courage to disagree with the crowd.
 Sacrificing who we are for the sake of what other people
think just isn’t worth it.
Here’s how the research participants
described the struggle to be
authentic

self-compassion has three elements:
1. self-kindness,
2. common humanity,
3. mindfulness: observe,be aware , just don’t judge
Cruelty is cheap, easy, and rampant. cruelty is never brave
 Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings
are neither suppressed nor exaggerated
 addressing scarcity doesn’t mean searching for abundance but
rather choosing a mind-set of sufficiency
 Sufficiency resides inside of each of us, and we can call it forward.
It is a consciousness, an attention, an intentional choosing of the
way we think about our circumstances
 I consciously or unconsciously start comparing myself to other
people.
 “Comparison is the thief of happiness.”
 Overcoming self-doubt is all about believing we’re enough and
letting go of what the world says we’re supposed to be and
supposed to call ourselves.

 Hope is not an emotion
 hope is a combination of setting goals, having the tenacity
and perseverance to pursue them, and believing in our
own abilities.
 If we want to cultivate hopefulness, we have to be willing
to be flexible and demonstrate perseverance. Not every
goal will look and feel the same
 The best definition of power comes from Martin Luther
King Jr. He described power as the ability to effect change.
hope

 Wholehearted living were not immune to numbing.
 If you ignore them, they get louder. It’s usually best to just acknowledge the messages.
Write them down.
 The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our
joy into the shadows
 belief that we’re all in this together and that something greater than us has the capacity
to bring love and compassion into our lives
 “People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but
when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
 “lit from within.”
 Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see
and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty
 “I’m going to engage Wholeheartedly in my life” requires believing without seeing.
 That silence thing can be effective. It’s a pain in the ass, but nonetheless effective.
Numbing is not an option

 Sharing our gifts and talents with the world is the
most powerful source of connection with God.
 Like our gifts and talents, meaning is unique to each
one of us.
 , if developing and sharing our gifts is how we honor
spirit and connect with God, self-doubt is letting our
fear undermine our faith.
 “Comparison is the thief of happiness.”
 As long as we’re creating, we’re cultivating meaning.
share

 , the question that we must ultimately answer is this:
What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think or
letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?
 I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but
that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and
worthy of love and belonging.
 life is way too precious to spend it pretending like we’re
super-cool and totally in control when we could be
laughing, singing, and dancing.
 when we are searching for comfort, celebration,
inspiration, or healing: We are not alone.
Final thoughts

From book the gift of imperfection ( thinks to
remember , highlighted part ..)
Embrace your real self
Thanks for reading

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gift of imperfection (facts, points to remember, guide)

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