How to Save Your Marriage After an Extra Marital Affair
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The document provides advice on how to save a marriage after an extramarital affair, including admitting the mistake, accepting the consequences, understanding rather than being understood, not letting emotions take over, focusing on what you want, backing up words with actions, knowing your self-worth, not fighting emotions, seeking professional help, and choosing the right help.
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How to Save Your Marriage After an Extra Marital Affair
- 1. How to Save Your Marriage After an Extra Marital Affair LINDA CHARNES, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
- 2. Admit Your Mistake Mistakes are teaching tools. Admitting or accepting your mistake means that you are willing to make a change. Understand that the problem is not making mistakes but failing to recognize, understand and correct them. Do not defend or try to deny what you did.
- 3. Accept the Consequences Actions have consequences. You cant avoid that. So, face them without evasion or denial. This is the only way to make a difference. These consequences may include: Loss of your partner's trust. Arguments and conflicts. Guilt and shame. Loss of self-esteem.
- 4. Understand Rather Than Being Understood Often affairs lead to arguments and heated discussions, which both partners want to win at any cost. Follow these tips to make things easier: Do 90% of the listening and 10% of talking. Try to learn from the conversation instead of disagreeing. Instead of explaining, try to understand. Let your partner win most of the debates. Be patient to get results.
- 5. Dont Let Emotions Take Over When you allow emotions to get the best of you, your feelings drive your actions, choices and decisions. This makes you vulnerable to bad decisions. Difficult times call for rational thinking rather than emotional thinking. The approach you take should include: Measuring the short-term and long-term impacts of your decisions. Weighing the emotional reward and cost that you pay for your actions. Giving yourself the best odds of being right.
- 6. Focus on What You Want Normally, people make things worse by focusing on things that they don't want, which isn't the best approach. Try following these tips: Focus your mind on positive outcomes. Keep interrogating yourself to know what you want out of the situation. Focus on positive processing. Identify when things start to work out.
- 7. Your Actions Speak Louder than Words You can't rely just on talking to make things better. Back up your words with your actions. For example, saying sorry isnt enough unless your behavior backs it up, such as planning a surprise for your partner. Try to exit the affair permanently and gracefully. Take steps to show your partner that they are your #1 priority.
- 8. Know Your Worth People often start punishing themselves after an affair and think that they are not worth love or forgiveness. This isnt true. Understand the difference between guilt and remorse. Remember that mistakes are natural and humans tend to make it. The reason for water is fire. And so the reason for forgiveness is mistakes.
- 9. Do Not Fight Your Emotions Instead of fighting against the current, try to go with the flow. Waves will take you to the shore, without you having to try. Do not resist the emotional outbreak. It is needed to completely get over the affair. If you feel like crying, do it. Don't let your ego hold you back from showing your emotions.
- 10. Seek Professional Help Read self-help books and consult a marriage counselor. Focus on accepting help, not just on asking for it. Accept the advice, recommendations and directions.
- 11. How to Choose the Right Help Linda Charnes, psychotherapist, NYC, has over 20 years of experience in both individual and couple therapy. Her guidance can help you take your life in the direction you want to. LINDA CHARNES (LMFT)
- 12. How to Contact Linda Charnes Visit: www.lindacharnes.com Call: 212-772-1695 Drop In: 1619 Third Avenue, Suite 3 New York, NY 10128